Hey, they’re non offensive, smart, and yes, there is usually a delayed reaction.
Here are three of my favorite jokes:
Q: What is the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference
Q: How does Orion keep his pants up?
A: With an asteroid belt
Two hydrogens are walking along a street. The first one says, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The second one replies, “Are you sure?” The first one then says, “Yeah, I’m POSITIVE.”
Hilarious, I was wondering if any one else shares the same dry humor as I do. And please feel free to post any jokes that create a subtle reaction.
But I do have a joke, a daughter comes home very late on a school night, her father, a preacher, waiting in the entrance asked her “Where she were you and why does your breath smell like alcohol!?”, she replies “I was at the library”. He then says get to your room now Satan’s daughter. She then replies “Yes father” There is something very funny in there.
P.S.:
I really don’t mean to be offensive or anything of the sort.
Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl. The first man said, “I think it’s WOOMB.”
The second replied, “No, it must be WOOOOMBH.”
The third said, “You both have it wrong – it’s WOOM.”
The fourth stated, “No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB.”
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, “Look. It’s WOMB. That’s it, that’s all there is to it.” Then she left.
Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, “Well. I don’t know. A young girl like that. I don’t see how she could know. I’ll bet she’s never even heard an elephant fart!”
It is said that physicist Niels Bohr had a horseshoe hung above his desk. It was correctly oriented, ends up, so that the “luck wouldn’t run out.” One day a friend saw it, and asked, “Why do you have that up there? Surely you don’t think it will bring good luck!” Niels replied, “Of course I don’t. That’s the most ridiculous and absurd claptrap I’ve ever heard. Of course I don’t believe it would bring good luck. However, I’ve been told that a horseshoe brings good luck whether your believe in it or not…”
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better
programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come
to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the Judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They
type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for
several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the
competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the
electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God
announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show
what he has come up with.
Satin is visibly upset and cries, “I have nothing, I lost
it all when the power went out.”
"Very well, then, " says God, “let us see if Jesus fared
any better.”
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in
vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pours forth
from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost
everything yet Jesus’ program is Intact! How did he do it?”
God Chuckles, “Everybody knows…Jesus Saves.”
It sucks.