Laughed my head off on this one, thanks! One other kind of noob thread I have seen a lot of made me think of...
The Gospel of the Ambitious Noob:
And behold, as he came forth, in the eyes of his mind the lingering beauty of Suzanne, and in his heart the Faith of the Poly-Vertex deities, he rose himself to the top of the mountain and proclaimed to those below: "It shalt be forever so cool, should we all unite in creating my brilliant movie! I hath not the piety of the Gods to do so myself, yet if only thy all shall pitch in, my vision is a grand new movie, and an ever so cool free repository of whatever you maketh".
And those who had heard eager prophecies such before, they shook upon their heads and said unto him, "your heart may or may not be pure, but your mind is fleeting. For only a Noob will speak such grand words before he hath even fathomed the NLA or the Secrets of the Nodes. Hear ye us, oh Noob, our work doth not come easy, and grand visions are too many for us to follow".
And the Noob felt betrayed in his vision and spoke, "but all will receive credit for their work, to show to the world their skills! I may know only little of The Truth, but if only everybody shares my vision, it shalt be grand. Do not count yourself in matters of gold and coins, for it is the pleasure of contribution and the honor of your work that must drive you!".
But the crowd beneath the mountain scattered, and as moons came and went, the Noob realized the folly of his ways, and learned to do himself before pressing work upon others. And as his leet skillz grew and he learned of humility before The Effort, he learned to respect the value of his neighbour's effort, too, and only ask it humbly and with praise.
I think all tutorials should henceforth be written as pledges of faith and ritual doctrine