Hey all,
Sadly I do not have enough time to render this animation, here’s how it would have looked like:
This animation was made for a weekly contest:
Id love to hear some feedback, always looking to improve!
First of all, I liked the concept of the one dude dying on top of his loved one’s grave. Dark.
But on a critical note, you did not communicate key ideas with your shots and blocking. When it was over I had no idea what had just happened. All I understood was that the two men were fighting over a necklace. It was very difficult to follow shot by shot, if you know what I mean.
To improve this, try making an outline of the entire scene. Walk the reader through the scene step by step, thought for thought, action for action, intention for intention. Then delete all your cameras along with their keyframes. Now think of the camera as tool that you will use to communicate all the ideas in your outline, number by number. Make every frame count. Everything that happens in front of that camera should serve to communicate the story you told in that outline.
If you think about it that way you become intentional about communicating to your audience exactly what is going on. Then we don’t have to watch it over and over again to understand all the shots.
So much of cinematography is all about communication. Treat your audience like a bunch of monkeys. We don’t know anything about your story unless you tell us about it. So leave us with tears - not questions.