Cloth sim puffing out like a balloon when self collision is turned on

hi all
I’m having trouble with a cloth simulation on a bat character I’m trying to make. I’ve got a cloth simulation on his wings to control the membrane but I can’t seem to get it to work right. The main problem i’m having is that as soon as the self collision is turned on, it puffs out like a balloon. I know this is most likely due to the space between either side of the membrane being very small and the simulation is trying to repel them away from each other, but is there any way around this other than going back and making the wings thicker? I’ve tried turning the distance settings right down but it doesn’t seem to change anything.
As for my other settings, I’m using the leather cloth preset and haven’t changed much there except to turn on pinning. basic collision settings are unchanged (I have tested different values but they didn’t seem to fix anything, so I put them back to their defaults) and the self collision steps are set to 2. I’ve tried higher values with steps but my computer is really struggling to run these simulations as it is, and usually crashes if I turn the self collision steps up any higher than 2 or 3.
The character is also rigged, so I’m trying to avoid making any major changes to the geometry.
I was able to get a very similar character to work with a cloth sim in Maya last year, but Maya’s price tag is just too much for me, and I generally enjoy using blender more anyway.

Also, dose the global scale/size of the character effect this too? because it is a very small character (roughly 25cm). would scaling him up help?

Last question, is it better to have the wing membrane as a separate object to the rest of the body, or be on the one model? with Maya it had to be separate, but with blender that doesn’t seem to be the case. This character is all one object, and pinning is being used to stop the rest of the body from being simulated, but would it be more efficient to separate the wings out as a different object? I’ve seen it done both ways before.

Thanks in Advance!