12 ways not to ask a question

Plucked fair and square from another forum.

  1. “It does not work – Please help”
    …if this is all you ask, how would you ever expect us to be able to help you?

  2. Is this code correct? (followed by 100 lines of uncommented code snippets)
    Do you really expect someone volunteer to set up a project, do what ever it takes to have your code run in our setup, fix it and send it back to you ready to implement in your project? Showing a bit of initiative, writing what this code does, where the error is, showing that you actually have been doing some debugging etc. always helps. Lots of code comments also help us understand your code without spending a lot of time analyzing it.

  3. I get an error in this line: (followed by one line of code at most)
    Ehm yeah so? Please state what you were trying to do, perhaps showing some previous lines of code, write WHAT error you received and preferably a full stack trace.

  4. Could someone please write an application that does this and that?
    Most developer forums are for helping out – not for doing YOUR job.

  5. Reply to someone else’s thread, with a completely different question.
    Did you ever wonder what the link “Ask a Question” is for? (ex)

  6. Create multiple new threads with the same question.
    This tends annoy most people. Annoyed people tend not to be so helpful. Just because you haven’t received a reply within the last hour, it rarely helps asking over and over.

  7. Make it clear that you never really put any effort into it to begin with.
    Showing that you have actually tried working with your problem, that you have read the documentation and browsed the demos usually helps a lot to get people interested in helping you.

  8. Follow-up on a question in a new thread, without referring to the previous thread.
    How should we know what you are referring to? (ex)

  9. Make a topic that could be about anything.
    If you want people to read your post (and preferable someone who knows something about this), make sure the topic makes sense in relation to your question. It will also help people find your question later, when they run into the same problem. Topics like “Can I do this?” or “Problem” or “Help Me” is not very appealing posts to read.

  10. Ask a question in the wrong forum.
    How would you expect to get help with printing from Microsoft Word in a forum about PostGreSQL?

  11. Email me the answer right away. It’s URGENT!
    Get a life!

  12. Use funky abbreviations like “plzz” and “coz”.
    Hlp me plzz, coz I need ur solution urgent now!
    Jeesh! Grow up and learn to spell first? Do you write code like this in your code editor?

Finally, a few favorite funny code items:

Recursion: See Recursion.

Infinite Loop…see Loop, Infinite

and then a few pages later:

Loop, Infinite…see Infinite Loop

At the top of a particularly convoluted and otherwise completely uncommented code:

// Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

COL (Chuckle out loud)

I particularly like the ones about
Recursion: See Recursion

Infinite Loop: See Loop, Infinite…
Loop, Infinite: See Infinite Loop

And with the code comment,
// Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

I’ve put things similar on my code, like a short, 3 line disclaimer about not being liable for brain damage or coffee overdose, etc. while examining code. Really. My coding used to be that bad (I’ve gotten better at commenting)

Heh heh heh,

I wish I still had a example of code I found when I was first trying to learn to do hidden-line removal. It was a little BASIC snippet (about 30~40 lines long) that was posted as an example of how to do it.

It was the most spagettied, incomprehensible collection of cruft I’ve ever seen. I think the author had to have worked really hard to make it so awful. Maybe MEL programmed it…

Some source code from the Apollo Guidance Computer. :smiley:


Check out some of the commented lines about 2/3 of the way down. :slight_smile:

Infinite loop… gotta remember that one :smiley:

Hey there Charlesworth999, you might enjoy this: The Jargon File.

Some source code from the Apollo Guidance Computer. :smiley:

Heh… it’s a wonder it worked!

I’ll check out the site, thanks Duoas :wink:

  1. Reply to someone else’s thread, with a completely different question.

does anyone really laugh out loud when they say lol? or col?

does anyone really laugh out loud when they say lol? or col?

Yes, I suppose some folks really mean it, some things are, well, funny. I have caught myself doing exactly that. Some folks do, however, tend to think that it is “Cute” to use such abbreviations.

Where I live “lol” has become a standard word for saying “that’s rather interesting, but not funny enough for me to laugh with it” or it can mean “i don’t care, but i’ll say “lol” as not to hurt you”.
I really am trying to stop using things like “lol” “oh my god” and “jesus”. :rolleyes:
Does anyone know any non-religious, non-childish replacements for “oh my god” and “jesus” by the way?

Oh my gosh, Jee-whiz. And here’s a good one for the f-bomb, just say fuckryin’ out loud.

Certain words, like “LOL” and “hilarious” are co-opted towards evil but work just fine when used for good.

That said, things like references to God and four-letter vocabularies can be simply dropped. In all cases, they are a replacement for actual thought.

Example one: When someone says FU to you, what does he (or she) really mean? He doesn’t want sex. He probably doesn’t even want to be in the same room as you, right? So if the words used don’t mean what they mean, then what do they mean? Nothing? No: it is an expression of anger: (1) using shock value [vulgar words] to imply intensity, (2) [and this won’t make much sense unless you know something about the psychology of pornography] sexual theme indicating closeness to, or strong identification with, that anger, and (3) lack of control. I once got so angry at a video game I actually went into convulsions --after which I decided never to get that mindlessly angry again.

This shows us something about the nature of anger: it has a component of loss of control over one’s self. The more angry you are, the less control you have over your thoughts, feelings, and actions. (That’s why they call crazy people “mad”.)

Example two: TGIF. Why drag God into it? Of course its Friday. It has been every seven days for at least 6000 years. So what does the speaker really mean? Is he really expressing gratitude to God that he only has to struggle through one more day of work before he can party all weekend? That feels like a pretty irreligious thought. Again, it is an emotive thing --using God to imply some form of intensity to the thought when it actually has nothing to do with him. And again we see that it is actually a vacancy of thought: how relieved are you really that it is Friday? I’m usually more pleased on Saturday than Friday about not having to work, right? Or is that pleasure lost on chores that must be accomplished on Saturday, or procrastinated until Sunday? Will such a person actually go to church Saturday or Sunday and worship the God they abused during the week?

I could go on but this is enough to think about for starters.

So, Charlesworth999, to directly answer your question: If you really want improve your vocabulary try to get into the habit of expressing yourself with clear, exact language and avoid filler words and phrases that don’t actually mean anything.

If someone posts some really amazing artwork, say:
“Wow! That’s some really amazing artwork. I like how you blended the textures between the…”
Or even something simple like:
“I like it! More please!”

That’s much more constructive, cohesive and useful than:
“OMFG! U R a Master!”

If someone makes you angry, just say what you really mean --it’ll actually help to clarify and diffuse the anger.

er, I’ve got to go, so no more examples… but you get the idea.
Hope this helps

I’ll read something that actually makes me laugh out loud from time to time. If I happen to reply, which I don’t always, I’ll include a “lol” in the reply. If I think it’s really very funny, I’ll write “rofl” or “roflmao” even though I don’t really do that. :wink:

Well, Duoas, the fact that the abbreviation “lol” is used as a word here is because it already was a word before someone said “let’s abbreviate ‘laugh out loud’ !”.
You see, in Dutch “lol” is synonymous for “fun”, although the Dutch word “lol” is more commonly used in expressions like “lol trappen” and “lol hebben” which both mean “to have fun”.
It’s not as if where I live, we’re all pretend to be haxorz :wink:
As you can see, there is a deeper meaning attached to the use of “lol” in the Flanders.

Hope that clears up something :stuck_out_tongue:

By the way, there’s nothing wrong with my vocabulary. Most of my post use decent to good English. At least I think so.

Hate to take things personally, but I just wanted to tell you that.
No offense intended, none taken. That’s out of the way :smiley:

Hey there, I didn’t attack you.

I didn’t even know you weren’t native-English speaking. What I meant by ‘improve your vocabulary’ is to replace things that mean nothing with things that mean something, which is what you were talking about…

I didn’t know that about LOL/lol. Cool. People here tend to use the word “great” like that.

“Hey, my mother is coming to visit for the weekend!”
“Great.” (Said with forced smile).


Hehe while we are on the topic of senseless code here’s a little something I made with python; see if you can make sense out of it.

import time
print ’ Welcome to the new and improved nickname generator.’
print ‘Q1’
Color = raw_input('What color makes you angry?: ')
print ‘Q2’
Answer4 = raw_input("Which of the following is true? 1: I prefer to handle things nonviolently. 2: I dont care . 3: Bring it sister! 4: I’m forgetful. 5 Twiddle Schweetzennoggle And A HOdey HUmHUm.: ")
print ‘Final question’
Answer2 = raw_input('Pick a number between 1 and 25: ‘)
Answer3 = int(Answer2)
print ‘Calculating…’
Answer1 = int(Answer4)
if Answer1 == 1:
Answer1 = ‘Dr.’
if Answer1 == 2:
Answer1 = ‘Wild’
if Answer1 == 3:
Answer1 = ‘Meanie Pants’
if Answer1 == 4:
Answer1 = ‘Cheese Brained’
if Answer3 == 1:
Answer3 = ‘Dude’
if Answer3 == 2:
Answer3 = ‘Beard’
if Answer3 == 3:
Answer3 = ‘Toes for Brains’
if Answer3 == 17:
Answer3 = ‘Hiney Pincher’
if Answer3 == 5:
Answer3 = ‘Ugly’
if Answer3 == 6:
Answer3 = ‘Slappy’
if Answer3 == 7:
Answer3 = ‘Hitch Hiker’
if Answer3 == 8:
Answer3 = ‘Ding Dong’
if Answer3 == 9:
Answer3 = ‘Scribble’
if Answer3 == 10:
Answer3 = ‘Trickler’
if Answer3 == 11:
Answer3 = ‘Smelly’
if Answer3 == 12:
Answer3 = ‘Wicked’
if Answer3 == 13:
Answer3 = ‘Squeezy’
if Answer3 == 14:
Answer3 = ‘Crunchy’
if Answer3 == 15:
Answer3 = ‘Elastic girl’
if Answer3 == 16:
Answer3 = ‘Turtle Brain’
if Answer3 == 4:
Answer3 = ‘Hot Dog’
if Answer3 == 18:
Answer3 = ‘Pizza Face’
if Answer3 == 19:
Answer3 = ‘Corn head’
if Answer3 == 20:
Answer3 = ‘Smelly’
if Answer3 == 21:
Answer3 = ‘Hippo lady’
if Answer3 == 22:
Answer3 = ‘Small’
if Answer3 == 23:
Answer3 = ‘Coconut’
if Answer3 == 24:
Answer3 = ‘Punching Bag’
if Answer3 == 25:
Answer3 = ‘Box Head’
if Answer1 == 5:
print ‘You Are …The Terror of the’,Color,Answer3, ‘People’
print Answer1,Color,Answer3
print ’ Congratulations!’

Here’s another something I made:

import random
theAnswer = random.randint(1,100)
guess = 0
guesscount = 0
while guess <> theAnswer:
guess = int(raw_input(‘Choose a number between 1 and 100: ‘))
guesscount +=1
if guess < theAnswer:
print ‘Your guess is low. Guess again’
elif guess > theAnswer:
print ’ Your guess is high. Guess again’
print ’ Way to go! It took you’,guesscount,‘tries!’
answer = int(raw_input( 'Would you like to play again? Press 1 for yes. Press any other number for no: '))
while answer == 1 :
import random
theAnswer = random.randint(1,100)
guess = 0
guesscount = 0
while guess <> theAnswer:
guess = int(raw_input(‘Choose a number between 1 and 100: ‘))
guesscount +=1
if guess < theAnswer:
print ‘Your guess is low. Guess again’
elif guess > theAnswer:
print ’ Your guess is high. Guess again’
print ’ Way to go! It took you’,guesscount,‘tries!’
answer = raw_input( 'Would you like to play again? ')
print ‘Initiating shutdown sequence’