6 min wip animation need crit and thought.


I have been working on this animation for about 2 years. But with long periods of doing nothing.
I am nearing completion and need some critic on it, I want to sort out any errors/mistakes and keep on polishing for a while.

Nothing is final in this animation and a soundtrack is being worked on so keep that in mind.

Please take a look

I loved it! it felt a bit slow paced at some times but i think the music will help that allot. I really like the style.

The animation is exceptional, very consistent. Beautiful style. “Sin City” meets “Tremors”. The story was a bit weak in my opinion, and there were grammatical errors in the narration. I only mention them because they stood out in an otherwise 100% professional piece of work. Outstanding work. 5 Stars from me.

I’m gonna bet the lack of replies is due to the lack of critisism, well done.

I just feel the fracture / particle effects could do with some attention, but other than that it’s brilliant.

I love your style and theme, can’t wait until the music is added.

@3dmedival - what parts of the story needs work in you opinion, too big changes will be hard but please lay it on me.
Also English is not my first language and I heard these words about 500times by now so any help pointing out the grammatical errors would be awesome.

@Casio23 - if you are talking about the scene at. 1,56 i totally agree, it looks weak. Needs more work on other places to. I will probably be looking into particle billboards with some nice “debris texture” to compliment the fracture particles.

Somewhere in my mind I have a goal that you could pause the movie at any given time and it would be a good looking/epic image.
I could probably list about 20 thing in this animation that I am going to fix/improve but it is always nice to get a couple of fresh eyes on things.

I think 1.56 looks fine, i was more worried about 4.37

there needs to be more variation in sizes of particle, but it still looks alright.

I liked this, watched without sound. a few comments

  • the small world symbol in the word world is located a little too close to the W and a little too far away from the r.
  • does the intro really need to last 53 seconds? credits added after a good show are more effective :slight_smile:
  • the intro typography suffers from Kerning issues, google the term Kerning and have a good read of the Wikipedia article. will take you 10 minutes, then look at your intro and spot your mistakes. It is important for your production to have a more professional feel from the very beginning.
  • the camera motion at around 5:30 seems like you are over using the technique, without gaining benefits.

gr8 stuff dude… very neat and clear cinematography … i must appreciate you for that …story is bit dull but presentation is very powerful and i hope you will make this kinda things more …and look is very different and cool…from last one year i have been stuck on my one old project also same like this … i hope i ll complete it soon …lets c dude… and once again good work dude…

The art style is cool, and the story has some quite interesting ideas in it. As always, work on the presentation. Don’t just work on the story.

I think you could try to spruce up the language in the narration. For example, you have “very beautiful” and “the rain stopped”. You could add some elegance and say something like “The immense beauty of the new world we built was more than we could ever have dreamed for,” or “Finally, the rains receded and slowly came to a stop.” Little things like this can reap a huge benefit with only a little extra work.

@ Casio23 - yeah I see what you mean, I will go through the whole movie taking this into account.

@ zeffii - I read on about Kerning and it was nothing i knew anything about. Thanks, would have been bad to let such a small thing slip by. It’s a easy fix I will do. The camera at 5:30, that part is something I am still working on, I feel it’s not apocalyptic enough. I’m trying different solutions but you are right, that camerawork don’t cut it. And no, the intro don’t need to be that long, I should get to the interesting parts quicker.

@ lazerblade - English is not my first language and I guess that is to blame for some of the simplicity of it. Also a long time ago before I got a proper voice for the narrator I was planning on only using subs (my own voice sucks). Then I had to cut down on words, they would not fit in a readable scale on top of the animation. I got hold of a guy who do voiceovers for a living and he was kind enough to do it for free. I would feel very bad to ask him rerecord it for me. But I do agree, what you wrote sounds a hell of a lot better. I might have to ask him if I can get it that much better in more places.

@draguu - I also feel the story is lacking somewhat, I got myself to blame for not planing out enough before starting to animate. Before I knew it I passed the point of no return. I will not make any big changes to the story, instead I will try to make the most of it

Thanks everybody for you helpful input in this. I was not sure about posting this in this state, my plane was to show as little as possible only to dazzle you with a finished product in the end. But I see now that it was necessary, you guys see thing I newer thought of.

I encourage you to be hard on me and help this animation become awesome.

great, for me its not a wip, its a finished project

It’s extremely well done. There are only a few small issues. As I said, the general story was a bit tired, but in terms of animation, exceptional. It’s really better than a lot of pro work I’ve seen. It’s a very original style, and the technical aspects are outstanding. English not being your first language, it’s very well written. I only caught a few grammatical errors, but hell, I catch CNN news anchors making grammatical errors all the time.

Concerning the story, I think that the concept of giant earth worms was a little lacking in creativity. It stood out for me, because the execution was so well done. It reminded me of “Tremors” on a large scale. Great movie, but fairly comic book in terms of reality. Stories are hard to write - great stories are 1 in a million. So, no matter how hard you try, you may not ever write a great story. If I’m honest, it’s the most lacking aspect of most finished animations I’ve seen. Even technically exceptional work like Endi’s Strawberry Knight (forgot the title) suffer from a corny storyline, in my opinion. Most commercial games also have bad story lines. Anyway, stories are tough, so don’t worry too much.

Very well done overall.

Tried a different approach to the intro, shorter and hopefully it’s more interesting so that people stick around to watch the rest of the animation. ignore the narrator, I haven’t timed him yet, not sure when he will start talking.

Intro is too long, something like 45 seconds to get to the story? that’s a good portion of the total length, save that stuff for the end. Also, the beginning valley is too symmetric. Rule of thirds here (although the zoom out offsets nicely).

The worm scenes bother me, maybe its the lack of depth/size from their flat shaded bodies? seems odd at times.

Besides this tho, it’s a really solid, interesting piece, begging for a sequel. I like the cinematography, style, and the narration is pro- good voice talent!

Absolutely stunning, I really love the style.

In the narration, towards the end of the movie, some of the narrator’s words are drowned out by the sound of an explosion - the end of the sentence which begins ‘A long time ago I had faith in our race… but now…’ I’m not sure if this is intentional.

I prefer the new intro.

Fantastic work, really beautiful.