A short script for a short animation ! (Please, comment!)


(Lyubomir) #1

Hello,
Here is the first draft of a script for an animated short movie. It’s heavily inspired by Warner Brother’s cartoons and “Road Runner” in particular:
http://www.angelfire.com/comics/lyubomir/script.html

Also, here is a still image preview of two of the characters (there are three characters in the story):
http://www.angelfire.com/comics/lyubomir/chicken_sutra.html

The other character is a fox, trying to catch the rooster.

Please, give me your 5 cents:
Tell me what you like and don’t like in the story.
If you want, suggest something new (that will be greatly appreciated!).
If you contribute to the script, you’ll be credited.
Also, the movie still has no name, as well as the characters.
Your opinion is important to me.

Thanks in advance!

Lyubomir


(SGT Squeaks) #2

honestly I think it’s a good idea. Besides a few changes like a title and character names and stuff I think it will be great!! :smiley: If I think of anything I will be sure to post it.

-EDIT-
ok, I thought of something already. I think that it should have more chicken scenes. It seems like the two chickens are only in the start of the animation and then you never see them again. Like they disappear.


(HpyGoCrazy) #3

I love the characters you created. I think you should make the different scenes have more bad events that take place to the fox. For example at the beginning of a scene show the fox holding some elaborate plan to catch the rooster. And the fox would mess up at every step of the plan.

Can’t wait to see it.

Good Luck


(KBRALI) #4

You are doing just fine so far. One suggestion would be to include a “chase scene” in it. You know, the fox chases the chicken over hill and dale. This sometimes drags on quite a while, but they are interesting.


(theeth) #5

I think the script is really promising and the characters looks very cartoonishly funny. :slight_smile:

However, I really think you should add a joke with a piano falling on him. In Road Runner, there was always a joke with a piano, and he’d end up having the keys of the piano in his mouth and played the “death march” (sorry, don’t know the exact word).

I think this will be a very good short, and I’m anxious to see it.

cheers,
Martin


(Oso) #6

Sounds great! I can see it already.

Just one suggestion: at the end, instead of a sign, have the fox throw the “1001 chicken recipes” out the window and then pick a book off the shelf titled “1001 vegetarian recipes.” I think this might have more comic punch.

Good luck with the project.


(SimonK) #7

Yes, go with the veggie book idea, not much more I can say… I think it will work a treat. And knowing your work I think it will be great.

Titles: “The Cooked Chook”, “Foxed In”, “Pot Boiler”… okay forget those…

Anyway good luck.

Why doesn’t the fox go for the fat hen? Is she that strong?


(Lyubomir) #8

Thanks everyone for the help!

SGT Squeaks, you’re absolutely right about the lack of chicken scenes. I’ll have this in mind for the next version of the script.

HpyGoCrazy, your suggestion also makes sence. I’ll “implement” it in the new version of the script too.

KBRALI, a chase scene would be a great challenge for me indeed. I’m not sure if I can do it well at the moment, so I’ll mark this suggesion as “optional”. A really good, dynamic and hilarious chase scene is a very difficult task and I think I just lack the skills needed to do such a thing yet…
First things first :wink:

Theeth:
>In Road Runner, there was always a joke with a piano
Yes, that scene with the piano is one of my favourite! :smiley:
Also, I beleive there are some Road Runner series without a piano joke :wink:

Oso, thanks, your suggestion is accepted too but in a little bit modified way.
Like this:
After the fox falls into the stew, he gets the book “1001 ways to cook a white rooster”, puts it into the fire and takes out a new book, called “1001 ways to cook a red fox”. He starts reading it, holding the book with one hand and putting spices over his head with the other hand .

SimonK, thanks for the name suggestions. I find it very difficult to choose a name for the film, because my native language is not English and I don’t know what name will sound funnier in English.

>Why doesn’t the fox go for the fat hen? Is she that strong?
Yes, she’s a big, fat and mighty hen that has really strong feelings for her little cute rooster-husband !

Again, thank you all ! :slight_smile:

Lyubomir