A storyboard from Endi :)

Hi everybody!

I have a good storyboard of a scifi-philosophical short film.

Here you can find it: http://www.etyekfilm.hu/thespiral_public/stroryboard/thespiral_v01_eng.jpg

Sorry for my bad english but I hope you can understand all.

If somebody interested in the creating of this film, please sign.

hmm. It surely has a nice idea. but I think there’s too much told just visually through simple motions. I think maybe it needs some simple subepisodes - visual or contextual jokes. like the ledder stucks so the ship falls on side and only then starts. or he drinks coffee and eats cakes in his ship while watching the galaxy :slight_smile: or a spider crawling his face around his eye while he hypnotically watches the stars. The other option is to keep things simple and monumental(the tarkovski way :slight_smile: ) but then I think it needs the idea to be deeper, since now I can see only some relativnes of sizes-joke, but not much more. Also the visuals have to be more monumental then, but I’m sure that’s the part you can care about very well… Good luck with the realisation!

I liked the first part of it, looking up into space when on the earth/planet and the other way around once in space. I think it would be quite funny if when in space he got his telescope out to look at the planet as he’s flying away.

Good Job - although download was quite some time for me. One more skill to add under your belt isn’t it ?

Hope someone makes a short out of this - it’s a wonderful story.

I have no doubt this would look great as a short.

Just one small critique. One constant in all of those storytelling schemes and theories is that a story should bring about some form change in the way the character(s) relate to one another and/or to their world as the result of some struggle.

To your credit, you’re already shaping this as a story of discovery: they boy a) looks into the sky, b) finds something closer to his aspirations and c) he’s heading there. He just needs to let us know what he was looking for, what the problem he was trying to solve was – something to inform us how that trip from a) to c) was non-trivial.

Huh … I thought we’d see a 3DS MAX GUI at the end.

@ Great story I like the simplicity of it. Are you looking to build a team or more to allow anyone who is intrested to have a go at it?

I would like to work on this as a lonewolf as working in a team would be a bit difficult for me broadband internet is capped and pretty expensive where I stay.

Endi, Nice Storyboard what would look cool is if you had a ship that was in the shape of a Saucer and a door on the bottom that opened like a camera shutter. and when you look at the ship from the top as it starts to spin it lights up spiral shaped or reflection of the spirals as the camera looks at the ship.

Looks like a fine idea.

I would seriously recommend that you stay clear of all those “eye shots”.
When you use them this much, it just gets un-dynamic.
I think you should use shots of the whole face, and sometimes show
it from the side too.

Again, for the sake of the movie dynamic, i think you should also do some shots
of the spaceship, flying through space, instead of just showing the inside.

Just my 25 cents
Otherwise, it looks good enough :wink:

hey, this is a good image that I like for visuals :slight_smile:

I disagree with the suggestions that you need to add humor.

CubOfJudasLion had some good ideas.

Since you do have a human character, it would be nice if there were some ‘reason’ for his journey. Otherwise it’s just a powers-of-ten video, which looks cool still.

Sounds and looks very good, nice concept.
The eye thing might have been overdone a little.

But overall its something which shouldn’t be to overwhelming to make.
If you do make it Endi, i would suggest that in the final scene where you can see the galaxy you can also see a hundred other galaxys, all off in the distance. You could certainly make it into an amazing final scene.

I agree with the comments about the eyes, perhaps you can still use a similar idea, but what if you changed the angles for the different shot then it can add to the dynamics of the piece. Perhaps use a space helmet at times to show the different reflections from the star systems and the like.

Here is an example where you can see what I am trying to say.


The freedom project camera angles really breath life into the characters and add to the story giving it more meaning rather than a repetitive feel.

On the whole I like the idea, maybe work out these things first a little and you will have something to be proud of when you are finished.

By the way, I think you left off the “i” at the end of your name down the bottom;)

for example this is a good small commutity project :slight_smile:

:-)) Those are hard to manage though.