I came across this form of a question online and it’s a way of expressing something that I’ve thought about before - though I have to say it does come across as kind of a whiney, needy, emo question but bear with me. I don’t really trust people very much and I’ve tried to figure out why it is that other people can be so trusting as to form long term relationships and one of the biggest problems I had was to do with the idea of being someone’s favorite person.
I’ve come across this a few times directly whereby I have maybe said something about someone’s friend as a joke and they turned round and said something to the effect that ‘well I’ve known them longer than you so I don’t like you saying that about them’. And it’s after things like that I find that I can’t trust them at all and my relationship with them breaks down completely.
Another example is where one of my co-workers brings in a long term friend and expects me to do them a favor at my expense when they are not my friend. At that point, my trust in my co-worker is seriously diminished as I realise that my needs are superseded by those of someone he knows better.
Now the extreme case of it would be to consider if you had a friend, partner, wife, husband etc and you were placed in a situation where that person close to you is faced with choosing between someone killing you or seriously hurting you or doing the same thing to someone else close to them.
If you for any minute considered that they would choose someone over you, would/should that affect your relationship with them? Are you content to have a close relationship with people that you suspect you can’t fully trust?
One other thing I noticed is that someone in the video below said Jesus and it seems that perhaps one of the major reasons why people are religious is simply due to being able to trust someone who can’t supersede your well-being for someone else’s. I don’t want to make this a religious thing for obvious reasons I’m just using it as an example of how this question affects our behaviour. When I was brought up amongst Christians, I couldn’t help but find myself looking around to see poor people, ugly people, disabled people, social rejects (not generalizing, just stating my personal observation) as if they were congregating not to collectively believe in a common set of philosophies but in search for some security, something that they could dependably trust in without fear of being rejected in favor of someone or something else.
So back to the question, which is simply do you know that you are at least one person’s favorite, someone who would put your well-being before anyone else? If yes, is that at all important to you or do you feel that you can have serious relationships knowing there may be someone else more important to them? If no, do you have similar issues with trusting people who you suspect will put other people’s well-being before your own?
The question is more far reaching than it looks at first and I think it explains a lot of different behaviours. Another example would be where a man isn’t happy that his wife/partner is devoting so much time to perhaps a newborn child or their children in general. Another would be where that same wife isn’t happy that the man is devoting more time to his co-workers.
It seems to me that this need to be superficially deeply connected to people is a big driving force in the way we form relationships. The problem I have is that I’m not sure if I have the same need. I recognise that we are all separated and disconnected and I can easily go on without having close relationships yet at the same time I can see how unsuccessful and unfulfilling that lifestyle is yet I don’t think that I would be capable of trusting someone to a high enough level who I know would always have someone/something more meaningful to them.
Here’s a video I found related to the subject:
(I think Ton’s in there somewhere or maybe he looks more like the guy from project peach :eyebrowlift:)