Are you anyone's favorite person?

I came across this form of a question online and it’s a way of expressing something that I’ve thought about before - though I have to say it does come across as kind of a whiney, needy, emo question but bear with me. I don’t really trust people very much and I’ve tried to figure out why it is that other people can be so trusting as to form long term relationships and one of the biggest problems I had was to do with the idea of being someone’s favorite person.

I’ve come across this a few times directly whereby I have maybe said something about someone’s friend as a joke and they turned round and said something to the effect that ‘well I’ve known them longer than you so I don’t like you saying that about them’. And it’s after things like that I find that I can’t trust them at all and my relationship with them breaks down completely.

Another example is where one of my co-workers brings in a long term friend and expects me to do them a favor at my expense when they are not my friend. At that point, my trust in my co-worker is seriously diminished as I realise that my needs are superseded by those of someone he knows better.

Now the extreme case of it would be to consider if you had a friend, partner, wife, husband etc and you were placed in a situation where that person close to you is faced with choosing between someone killing you or seriously hurting you or doing the same thing to someone else close to them.

If you for any minute considered that they would choose someone over you, would/should that affect your relationship with them? Are you content to have a close relationship with people that you suspect you can’t fully trust?

One other thing I noticed is that someone in the video below said Jesus and it seems that perhaps one of the major reasons why people are religious is simply due to being able to trust someone who can’t supersede your well-being for someone else’s. I don’t want to make this a religious thing for obvious reasons I’m just using it as an example of how this question affects our behaviour. When I was brought up amongst Christians, I couldn’t help but find myself looking around to see poor people, ugly people, disabled people, social rejects (not generalizing, just stating my personal observation) as if they were congregating not to collectively believe in a common set of philosophies but in search for some security, something that they could dependably trust in without fear of being rejected in favor of someone or something else.

So back to the question, which is simply do you know that you are at least one person’s favorite, someone who would put your well-being before anyone else? If yes, is that at all important to you or do you feel that you can have serious relationships knowing there may be someone else more important to them? If no, do you have similar issues with trusting people who you suspect will put other people’s well-being before your own?

The question is more far reaching than it looks at first and I think it explains a lot of different behaviours. Another example would be where a man isn’t happy that his wife/partner is devoting so much time to perhaps a newborn child or their children in general. Another would be where that same wife isn’t happy that the man is devoting more time to his co-workers.

It seems to me that this need to be superficially deeply connected to people is a big driving force in the way we form relationships. The problem I have is that I’m not sure if I have the same need. I recognise that we are all separated and disconnected and I can easily go on without having close relationships yet at the same time I can see how unsuccessful and unfulfilling that lifestyle is yet I don’t think that I would be capable of trusting someone to a high enough level who I know would always have someone/something more meaningful to them.

Here’s a video I found related to the subject:

http://www.atomfilms.com/film/favorite_person.jsp

(I think Ton’s in there somewhere or maybe he looks more like the guy from project peach :eyebrowlift:)

hmmm… this is a doosey.

friends are good to have, however i think some people are more concerened with being the center of attention rather than someone’s “favorite”

wow this is hard to explain… at times ive felt alone and as if everyone just seems to have forgot about me. i go back to see that i have plenty of friends and they had just found somthing more facinating than me for a while. and instead of supporting thier happiness in something else i was jealous. if you want someone to support you know matter what, you must be willing to support them no matter what. friendship is a beautiful harmony. i have friends i would be willing to die for with out giving it a second thought, and they for me.
i believe the answer to your question would be: why would should someone sacrifice their happiness for someone who dosent trust them, or wouldnt return the favor? its like, why would you play guitar with someone who dosent think you can play, and has never even heard you?

if your unable to find one you can trust its because you havent put your self in “their shoes” many narcisits ask themselves the same question youve asked (not saying you are one) before they take a gun and blow somone’s brains out.

but i think we have all asked ourselves this at some point, its good that you cam out and talked about it. repressing it could have been dangerous, not saying it would have, just that it could have.

NJROTC is my favorite person.
m.a.

aww… i feel so loved now

Well I used to think I was, but then I found out about some talking behind my back. That kind of hurt the relationship big time. But then again, I don’t think I have a favorite person. Mainly because I could never choose between most of my friends.

I’m not sure I have the same non-trusting as you, but I just don’t want to have to choose. And all of my friends are about equal. Like if I had to choose between saving one friend over the other, I would try to save both at the same time. But I don’t think anyone would choose me over a different friend. Then again, who knows what they all think?
Maybe I should ask them, put them on the spot! :evilgrin:

I wasn’t able to get the video on that page working, but is this one similar? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asyWVtoCjNM

I’m sure I’m not. I don’t even have any real “friends”, per se.

I’m sure I’m not. I don’t even have any real “friends”, per se.

aww, your either shy or modest.

Mainly because I could never choose between most of my friends.

neither could i, so i just say my friends are my favorite people.

I’m sure I’m not. I don’t even have any real “friends”, per se.

You can consider people your friends as long as you talk(chatting online counts too) to them and have seen them at least once in real life. (That’s what I have to do.) All of my good friends live at least an hour away from me. Maybe that’s why we get along pretty well. :stuck_out_tongue: Although, it would be nice if there were people in my own town that actually had something in common with me.

it would be nice if there were people in my own town that actually had something in common with me.

i know how you feel, i had a friend who was just like me. we was the best of freinds, we would talk about the army, run around ft bragg, throw comic books at the weird 30 YO hiding in the corner reading anime in the book stores and push heavy objects for no reason and stuff. and she was really hot to boot!
but she had to move away… WHY!!! i have never found someone quite like her ever again.

Hmm, I don’t follow the bit about putting yourself in their shoes. To me that leads to a catch-22. Neither person can trust each other until one of them does. That’s why I find the whole thing a bit meaningless. Someone at some point has to lie about their level of trust and it’s that falseness that is usually the problem in the end.

Kind of. The one in the link above has an advert at the start, you have to wait until it finishes.

Is that because you don’t know people or do you have people you can hang about with but just don’t see them as real friends by your definition of what that is?

I have lots of co-workers and family members who I get on great with when I’m with them but at the same time I just don’t see what constitutes friendship because tomorrow, I can leave and for me I’d have lost nothing. I do this quite regularly. At school, I had ‘friends’ but as soon as I left, they were gone immediately and it didn’t bother me. At uni I had friends too but again after 4 years, gone instantly. Now at work, I have friends that I’ve made over 2 or so years and I’m feeling I need to move on and the same thing will happen. There’s no deep connection happening anywhere and in some ways I don’t care but in other ways I’m missing something.

Yeah this has kind of happened to me too more than once, it really sucks when that happens. Thanks for bringing that up actually because this is one of the most important and damaging consequences for me. It’s because of that level of distrust that I didn’t form a close enough relationship with those people and I’ve missed out on what should have been the happiest times of my life (or so I assume). It’s the old saying is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. They both suck but I’d say the latter is probably worse because you have no memories of good times it’s all just empty.

Well, there isn’t really anyone who I regularly interact with outside of classes, for purely social reasons. Is that a good definition? I have quite a few “acquaintances” at this point, but there are very few whom I’ve interacted with outside of class, and I’ve never pre-arranged to meet with anyone in meatspace outside of class. It is a slight exaggeration though, I do have one friend who fits my definition, but it’s true that I’ve never arranged to meet anyone I’ve met in a class for purely social reasons.

To the person who asked if I’m shy or modest: it’s the former.

i wonder why?:eyebrowlift2: lol :stuck_out_tongue:

i’m my girlfriends favourite person. Because i pack it all for her.:eyebrowlift:

I do this quite regularly. At school, I had ‘friends’ but as soon as I left, they were gone immediately and it didn’t bother me. At uni I had friends too but again after 4 years, gone instantly. Now at work, I have friends that I’ve made over 2 or so years and I’m feeling I need to move on and the same thing will happen.
The same has happened to me. I had friends in school but not close friends. In uni everyone took advantage of me and I didn’t develop any real friendships. I don’t care much for most people I’ve met over the past 12 years except maybe a couple of friends in Toronto.

Twelve years back in Junior College (that’s grades 11-12 in India), I hung out with a group of people and I’ve lost contact with all except one. These were people that stuck with me through some rough times in college and were always there no matter what and there are times when I wonder why I don’t hear from them and I’m sure they wonder the same about me.

On a lighter note, its not likely for me to be someone’s favorite person… people just can’t really tolerate my colorful personality and I piss off most people I come in contact with :evilgrin: