Blender Cult discovered

General Forums Off-topic Chat
41

Laughed my head off on this one, thanks! One other kind of noob thread I have seen a lot of made me think of…

The Gospel of the Ambitious Noob:

And behold, as he came forth, in the eyes of his mind the lingering beauty of Suzanne, and in his heart the Faith of the Poly-Vertex deities, he rose himself to the top of the mountain and proclaimed to those below: “It shalt be forever so cool, should we all unite in creating my brilliant movie! I hath not the piety of the Gods to do so myself, yet if only thy all shall pitch in, my vision is a grand new movie, and an ever so cool free repository of whatever you maketh”.

And those who had heard eager prophecies such before, they shook upon their heads and said unto him, “your heart may or may not be pure, but your mind is fleeting. For only a Noob will speak such grand words before he hath even fathomed the NLA or the Secrets of the Nodes. Hear ye us, oh Noob, our work doth not come easy, and grand visions are too many for us to follow”.

And the Noob felt betrayed in his vision and spoke, “but all will receive credit for their work, to show to the world their skills! I may know only little of The Truth, but if only everybody shares my vision, it shalt be grand. Do not count yourself in matters of gold and coins, for it is the pleasure of contribution and the honor of your work that must drive you!”.

But the crowd beneath the mountain scattered, and as moons came and went, the Noob realized the folly of his ways, and learned to do himself before pressing work upon others. And as his leet skillz grew and he learned of humility before The Effort, he learned to respect the value of his neighbour’s effort, too, and only ask it humbly and with praise.

I think all tutorials should henceforth be written as pledges of faith and ritual doctrine :smiley:

42

An omen! An omen! My prayer-post begging the poly-vertex gods for the opportunity of a pilgrimage was my post no 100 here! Seeing that They speak binary, that is 4 for us mere mortals - i take it that the time for my journey is around the release of Blender 4.0. May the Italian coffee in the Cathedral make that happen fast :slight_smile:

43

See this is what I expected. The Noob cult runs deeper then I first imagined. So I guess now is a bad time to bring up my most amazing ideal for a Movie / game project, which only needs a story, story board, models, textures, animation, programing and editing help from the users here on BA (JK).

@MPPIC: Good luck on your pilgrimage. Our hopes are with you. I had forgot the Italian coffee, which appears to act as an elixir helping the apostles transform fruit into great art.

44

Oh, but the travails of the Noob are many, and the road dark with peril:

And one day the Usurper cometh, the great Pupetteer, in the guise of glory everlasting for the Noobs: “Thou shalt take refuge under my Name and labor in my company, whereupon you’ll be guided by my wisdom as I sit on the throne. Mine shall be the gold and the glory, and you shall go fort, content in seeing my glory.” Alas, he is nor a Dev, who wrought the Poly-Vertex gods from the primal GLow, neither the prophet Ton, templar of the order of the Rosendaal, neither the Pixarian elders, that a Noob might find glory in him!

45

@CubOfJudahsLion: What wise words of warning to all those that look to become the greater animator.

46

Aye, the perils of the Noob are many. Let me recount this parable:

Lo in the field, hidden in the grass, slithers the Oracle of Doubt. One day whilst meandering aimlessly among the field of Particles Panels, the Noob perchanced upon this Oracle, sunning on a rock in the midst. Seeking advice and wisdom, the Noob inquired, “Oh holiest or Oracles, can perchance I make fire?” Whereupon, the serpent rose up on its coils. Swaying too and fro, the snake’s power began to radiate. The heavens rolled in thunder, and lighting flashed, and the Noob was very much afraid. The sheer energy of the Oracle was broadcast, and fire appeared in the very air in front of the Noob, who promptly wet himself. “Oracle!” the Noob begged, “enlighten me tell me tell me pleeeeeeeeeeze!”

Whereupon utterance of those words, the serpent, disguised as the Oracle of Doubt caused all else to vanish, and spoke thusly “Only with MAXimus, cannest thou makest fire. Only by swearing allegiance and funds, LOTS of funds, to the TRUE religion, the Mayans, cannest thou attain control over the heavens.” Whereupon, the Noob was filled with humility, and Doubt. The serpent smiled, knowing that his seed had been cast.

Thus, the Noob was plagued with doubt, which lingered as long as he stayed in the fields of Particles. He now stared at the fields, in amazement and utter confusion, randomly clicking, accomplishing nothing. The Oracle of Doubt, sensing further opportunity, slithered beside the Noob, rose up, and whispered into the Noob’s left ear, tempting, “Wouldest thou care to see hair?” The Noob, muchly afraid, drew back. “Wait, he exclaimed, I know this” and the Noob drew forth a hand, and swept aside the panels, swept aside the fields, and, digging in the dirt, uncovered a single stone tablet, upon which was inscribed the letters, “RTFM”. Upon seeing these letters, the serpent cried a most painful screech, and receeded thusly.

Having witnessed the power of the vision of tablet, the Noob stood amazed. But still the Noob did not turn the tablet over, and begin to read. For he was still a Noob.

47

By the third form of Suzanne, Thus Spake PapaSmurphra!

[Edit: who knows how long they’ll leave it up, but hey, that first post is brilliant.]

48

And this the CubOfJudahsLion became a new apostle for he has shared the glory of the cult beyond the realm of BA forums. Long live the cult of noob.

@Papasumrf: I think you have actually contributed more writing to this thread then I did. I hope it was cathartic.

49

Holly Ton! I’ve reached the 7th level of Noobness!

50

…and you too may achieve the eternal nirvana of blenderbliss! Hallelujah! </me jumps back, kisses myself, huh! haaiiih!>

(sweet “gospel” Matt. :smiley: )

51

It’s all progress.

52

I give all the praise to the power of Suzanne and the lesser polyvertex gods.

@Oxben: Congratulations on your higher level of Noobness.

@mzungu: My name is actually Matthew so I guess it is fitting to have written a “Gospel”. LOL

53

I think I’m still level 1… but I have dabbled in the black magics of the BGE.

54

Ok, I really think this needs to be added to the WIKI somewhere! Then we’ll get all kinds of fun NOOB renders stuck in the appropriate places.

55

I am glad a new round of members is getting a laugh from this.

@anubis_dog3: I unfortunately never hang out in the BGE forums. I have a sever poly addiction that make low poly stuff hard for me to understand. I am slowing try to overcome this problem. So, I am sorry for leaving the BGE out of my original post. If you or anyone else would like to add new BGE noob levels, please feel free post them here. I am sure there are all kinds of fun game noob stuff that happens.

@Webrunner02: There is a good chance that adding this to the Wiki would cause more confusion then good for a Noob. At least it will be here on BA for any Noob or Former Noob that finds the Magic of “Search forum”. LOL

56

To be honest, I never even heard of a chrome sphere…and I called myself internoob.

The shame that haunts my forehead shall not be cleared if thee shan’t seek the enlightment of the great chrome. The fluid that I have not spilled shall leak from the abyss of my eye. O’ the Great, forgive me.

57

LOL!

It only appears once enlightenment is reached. (Blender is magic software.)

:smiley:

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@Falcron: Don’t worry about it. As I stated in an earlier post, chrome sphere is a ancient poly vertex god, that predates even the great Suzanne. Chrome sphere can take many shapes, like that of the great chrome cube arrays that fill youtube.

@Duoas: I believe there may existed a set of hot keys and mouse movements that will unlock the power. The problem is you have to be in a tantric state to achieve the correct movements. Now I just have to find a good tutorial on Blender Tantra.

59

Yeah,that is pretty good, I say I am around 4-6… :smiley:

-shingwantin

60

Oh, and I forgot to mention. On the end of your Philosophy, you should say “Ultimate goal nearly achieved. Final Mission - Go and Own Big Buck Bunny and Frankie :D”

-shingwantin