Since a few days, I got a strange problem. With this post, I’m at the doors of guruness. And this plus other things made me think. Am I really a guru? I mean here in Elysiun, the ranks show how long you’ve been hanging around, how much you are expected to know the whole stuff. There is also perhaps a constant mix (sometimes true, sometimes false) between Forum (whatever) and BLENDER (whatever). We have tendancies to listen differently to a newbie than to a monkey (quite wrongly sometimes!!)
Beeing a guru means at last beeing quite familiar with the forum, it’s denizen’s, etc… But I also think highing in ranks means to be able to share something about blender, contribute more to the community.
And what can I share, what can I teach? My blender skills are far away from any gurudom! To this point my contributions to this community have been silly (ugly) trophies for a WEC and a couple of translations for the French Blender Users…
What made me feel that way? A coupla days ago, I read a thread which turned around “who’s your favourite Blenderhead” or so. And said “good Blenderheads” came and sayed who they think were the bests, and so on. So when In half an hour you’ve hiked to the websites of Blengine, [email protected], Shige a a few more, you get two feelings (some of you are familiar with it, perhaps all of us):
-depression and discouragement: you measure the path you have to reach comparable skills. Worst, you wonder if you ever will be able to reach only honorably comparable skills.
-energy and motivation: you find out that you were right to choose CGI as passion and hobby, that one day all those things dwelling in your mind will finally materialize!
The fact that I was about to become guru, in a quite silly manner, made me think about all that. It is now the moment to choose to really be a Blenderhead or not, isn’t it? I have this shortcoming/quality of beeing a dilletante. I do a bit of 2d, a bit of web design, a bit of python, a bit of blender, a bit of… So never be really good at any of them. Plus, it serves as excuse for not making progress, not really working “I have no time, I make too much things bla bla bla”
But I’ve seen in a recent thread people with 50 kids, 112 pets, 3 or 5 wifes and a couple of jobs blending good and blending hours a day. So time is only an excuse, not a good reason.
Why do I fire Blender to start a project and never finish it? Why do not I even start blender once in a week, or a couple of weeks!!!
The fear of the path to achieve, the vision of how indigent I am compared to what I want to achieve. 90% of my projects remain unfinished, because I think I’m not able to. But thinking like this, I never will !!!
What will I do? Disappear from Elysiun, blend like hell for a few months, a few years, and then come back to share what I learned (and pretend I’ve always been good)? Or deciding that I will only post in WIP and FW by now (drastic)? Making a new profile to not beeing a guru anymore (easy)? Post less silly posts like this one and more work (realist)? Seeing mostly great jobs in those forums holds you from posting you own, not so great, schoolwork-like creations. But I think one role of the community is to get advise from the skilled. I know that no special skill is expected from any rank, but I expect from myself, that is the most important.
I have decisions to make and energy to give if I want to become what I want: a good CG artist. There is no reason I couldn’t.
End of the auto-analysis, thanks to those who read it till the end.