http://doug.mudpuddle.co.nz/comic-spelling-errors.pdf
there are spelling errors, so get over them 
i can’t really do anything about them till my computer is fixed.
i’d love crit and feedback on it though.
Alltaken
really good.
I just thaut that everything was going a bit too fast.
But for the drawing and all that is is really good.
are you going to make the missing pages?
You’d probably want us to comment on the story line…I won’t…because
I’m not much of a “long-story-reader”…more like a spoiled-by-animation
type of person 
Anyway… I absolutely LOVE the train. That one is wicked! You should
do it in 3D!
The mechanical structures and buildings are way cool too, you’re pretty
good at compositing scenes and putting stuff together. Lot’s of nice
depth in your images.
All good things said…here’s the crits…
Your cartoon characters (or semi-realistic characters) could do
with a proper shape up (I’m thinking anatomy…even if toon)…it’s like
they’re kind of naively drawn…kind of stick out from the rest of the
work. The backgrounds are awesome and completely steal all the
attention because…it’s easy to see that you love structures more
than you love organic characters he he… I’m not being rude…
blunt perhaps… but that’s me, work on that…and you probably have
yourself a really good comic book in the end.
I agree with the_one: you need to slow it down significantly. You’ve already got enough storyline for a half a movie: twice as much as you need for a good GN.
I like the idea, and your style.
Well i actually agree with all of you.
that is the problem with doing assignments for university, time and size restraints.
the brief was for an 8 page minimum comic, time ended up being an issue so 8 is all i could do of the 16 scripted. and yeah i know the script was awfully long and could make a movie even LOL. i did need to cut a lot out.
in the end i think i am being marked on storyline and GFX so i wrote a script he loved and hopefully the GFX he will love.
as for the people being naivly drawn LOL, yeah i agree. i havn’t done life drawing for ages. some of the flatness of the people is an issue. shading them would be great and i might do that over the holidays.
as an industrial designer i felt that i needed to try and push the scenery and objects more, as its more important in my field of expertise, somthing i really enjoyed doing in this. the train was an imagination of what bionic machinery would look like without electricity being invented, the car at the end a look at what possible product styling could be if taken from influences in the past.
so yes i did play those areas up at the detriment of the rest.
thanks for all the replys, and don’t be afraid to crit me, i can take crit, very very harsh crit.
Alltaken
I know you can Alltaken, thats why you´re worth the time and attention. 
As for shading those characters …I´d first recreate them in a perhaps
easier way If I where you. As you know … it takes at least equally
much time to be at all good at constructing characters as it does
perfecting buildings and structures. It´s two entirely different areas,
so with your limited time to this project - I´d go for simpler more
“stylized” characters rather than those semi-realistics you´re aiming
for. Because no shades in the world can hide “mishapes” in construction
you of all people - know this better than most…since you´re in to
constructions
Anyway… Try making a few simple “round”…characters without too
many details, and work “HARD” on getting the circles perfect and
construction equally perfect (you know…up to par with the rest of your
nice work!) That way,you won´t have to spend so much time on
heavy detailed characters - and it´ll fool the audience into thinking
that this is “really” cool (which it probably will be).
Take Calvin and Hobbes as an example. Extremely simple “simpsons”
like characters…they´re easy to draw from different angles and
positions because they can be “constructed” with circles and thus
very evenly drawn. Of course…you may not want this in your “artwork”
but for the comic book…which to me…seem to aim at a very classy
style - this would be important.
Tip: Try practicing the simple “circle or shape” constructed characters
on a separate piece of paper, and use those you´re satisified with.
Draw many, and draw on TOP of each other…so you can get closer
to what you “imagine” inside.
Cheers,
/JoOngle
I missed the part about it being a university project.
Chop out everything but the incident and him waking up with mechanized body parts. That’s enough of a story in itself.
My $0.02.
Jo0ngle to be honest i traced all the people, and altered them as i needed 
just downloaded pics of well photographed people (i.e. lots of photos of different angles of the same people)
i drew the whole comic in 4-5 days :S (was a lot of work)
but yeah i would try simplify them lots of a more cartoony setting. you may remember my cartoon people i drew back in the days http://doug.mudpuddle.co.nz/gallery/v/completed/Cartoon/all.jpg.html
i didn’t think a cartoony style would suit this story, i was going more for a nickopol look and feel (rather realistic, kinda strange but familiar landscape) playing up the mechanicalness of it.
Duoas, yeah i agree, this is mearly one story of an entire sci-fi/fan world. there is another story of the first bearer of a mechanical arm (one of Edwards great grandfathers that he didn’t know about).
and there are more stories into the future. Edward with the children Mechalogues, ends up becoming the leader of the resistance movement against the practice of implantation into machines.
Fred (the guy who got edward to help in this comic) was the one who caused or was responsible for the mechalogues going beserk he was messing with their minds in training and such, getting them all strung up. those ones then would pass it on down the training groups. so fred caused it then recruited edward, then blew himself up (edward knows nothing of it, fights against a semi-innocent company. (morally not innocent, but otherwise offering a good product)…
it all gets pretty interesting… but this is all in my head.
Alltaken
LOL i got a C+ for it. i was like WTF.
i coloured less panels in but compared with others my shading was way better (others just used the bucket fill). got marked down HEAPS for that.
i did 8 pages that were not all in a row, he had said that was fine… got marked down HEAPS for that. (8 pages is fine, but he wants them in a row now, news to me)
LOL i am a bit disapointed, but oh well. if i hadn’t coloured any of the panels in at all i would have been likely to get a higher mark. (strange but true)
Alltaken