Ok. I’m not feeling too good right now, and this will probably turn out ranty and long, so sorry in advanced.
Where to begin? I’m young. 15. I am really starting to hate having to say I’m 15. Even if I could just be 16, at least I could then get a driver’s permit (in my state). But no, 15. I’m sure it is a lot of that hormone crap that I’m putting up with right now, but it seems different than how I see other people react in my situation. Quite frankly, I hope no one I know reads this. Also, all last names will be left out to protect the innocent.
I started homeschooling after the end of my 7th grade year. I basically did 8th grade and my freshman high year in one September to June session. Now, two years later, I should be getting my diploma in December. So I go now full time to my local community college, SCCC (Sussex County Community College). I will be going for Liberal Arts to transfer to a four year, and this credit will also finish up what is needed for highschool.
Now we get to go to the interesting stuff.
My parents are rescently divorced. But it was VERY peaceful, and everything went very smoothly. So I now see my dad every other weekend and Wednesday nights for Japanese sword fighting, but I’ll talk about that in a bit. So basically, that means I am tied up every other weekend becuase that is the only time I get to spend with my dad doing whatever. I’m honestly not upset about the whole divorce thing. I guess I barely saw my dad when they were together anyway.
Japanese sword fighting. Me and my dad have done it 3 times. It runs almost like semesters, so we have done 3 semesters. And because we have done more than 1 class, we are “advanced” students. It is not very formal at all. We do a lot of exercises and sparring. There are two girls in the advanced class. I so seriously need a girl friend right now. I have been “working” on one of them. Her name is Dorian. She has been giving me what I interpret as signals by coming to talk to me more than anyone else, by poking me and saying “Poke” while she does it, and just the looks. I don’t think she’s that much older than me, if at all. Maybe 16 or 17, which I think is fine.
I also have two friends. I had more before I left school, but they kind of cast me out. But thats ok, they can all go to hell.
Anyway, I have two friends named AJ and Nicki (though since I started going to SCCC, I am making more friends). We very rarely see each other, but today was one of those days. We had been tryin to get together for a while, and we finally did it. I got picked up at 1 by Nicki’s dad. AJ was already there when we got to Nicki’s house. We did some things like extreme badmitten and extreme twister (we modified the rules to make it more fun). At around 4:30 AJ got picked up by his dad. I stayed with Nicki as was the plan. We played a really long game of extreme twister and were bretty exhausted after. We were going to go to Weird NJ places. (They are just a bunch of places in New Jersey where there are hauntings, KKK myths, the Jersey devil, other freaky stuff.) We left for Weird NJ around 6:15. It was pretty lame, as I thought it would be. Nicki’s dad decided we would go to a football (not soccer) game between two huge rival highschools. We only stayed for one quarter, then went back to Nicki’s house.
I feel very awkward around her. It’s very strange. I care about her, but I am not physically attracted to her. She was acting all depressed, which in turn made me depressed. She was complaining about her elbow. I guess she hurt it during our really long twister game. She was also saying how she wasn’t hungry (which I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say). She was being all sad and I had the strongest urge to hug her, but I didn’t. I probably would have had her father not been around. I told her a while back about a crush I had on her, but it got pushed aside and we forgot it. She is very a very anti-mush person. I have such mixed feelings. She can be such a wet blanket, but I’m not sure if it’s to be cute or something. And I can’t have these mixed feelings if I want a real girl friend. Ah, maybe I should move on to that now.
I have had two girlfriends before, to the amazement of myself and others. It will be exactly two years ago that I had my last one, if I remember correctly. The only reason I would remember that is because I racall talking about her at a halloween party. Sex is not my thing. Even if it was offered, I don’t think I would accept a chance to go all the way with someone right now. I am looking for someone to hug, kiss, sit with, hold hands, and all that other mushy stuff.
I have a feeling that I wouldn’t be so lost had I chosen to go to highschool. I can’t help but wonder if I made the wrong choice, if I should have stayed and school with all my ex friends. Going to football games, parties, getting in trouble. I’m getting a slight taste of that with my new friends at SCCC, and I really like it.
Now that I’m calmed down a bit from when I started writing this, I wonder if it is just pointless dribble. I guess I am asking for help. All you here at Elysiun seem so understanding about things like this. Even if its just some supportive comments, maybe that would help push me along.
PS I also wouldn’t mind if the mods found this long and pointless and decided to lock it.