Here it is folks. The next Orange project is the prequel to ED. They said they wanted a bit lighter. Thus follows the script (which is as of now public domain :)) (also, VO means Voice Over)…
Mods, please feel free to move this, though I’m calling down the “power” of my long standing around here to keep in it News & Chat. Ahem.
Elephants Dream, a Prequel
SCENE 1: A small, run down waiting room. There are six seats in the room, none of them matching. Different animation style characters wait in the seats, in comic fashion (biggest one crammed into smallest seat, smallest one sprawled across couch). Parody posters of famous CG films adorn the walls. A secretary, who is classic anime female cheesecake, sits behind a desk, using her computer.
The cast is:
Mr. Indelible
Fleck
Scritch (and little kids)
Robot Boy
Annie - Cowgirl
Maisy Duck
A Bare, Wire-Rendered Armature
Each character is an analogue of a familiar animation character (Mr. Incredible, Shrek, Scrat, Robot from Robots, Jessie from Toy Story 2 and Daisy Duck), but with clear differences. The point is to indicate to the viewer who the actor is without breaking (or even getting close to) the copyright barrier.
All the actors turn to look as the outside door opens, revealing zooming traffic and a new addition to the waiting room:
Proog. Unlike his performance in ED, Proog seems happy to be here and quite pleasant. He is wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt.
PROOG: Do you hear that?
SCRITCH: ??
PROOG: Listen! Do you hear it?
ARMATURE: ??
Camera dramatic zoom into Proog’s face.
PROOG: It’s… a tufted titmouse, I think. Beautiful bird. Haven’t heard one in years.
PROOG enters the room and shuts the door. He looks around, but there is nowhere to sit.
Just then, the door behind the secretary opens and an enraged one-eyed monster (a la Mike Wizowski) storms out, cursing.
ONE-EYE: You coulda told me up front that wasn’t what you was looking for! Now I’m all ashamed of myself!
CASTING AGENT (VO): We don’t make those kinds of movies here, Mr. Wadlewski.
ONE-EYE: I don’t need your crummy wholesome family lovey crap! I’ll find something! There’s lotsa work in this town for a giant… eyeball… with… legs…
ONE-EYE’s voice trails off as he realizes how completely wrong he is and how stupid he sounds.
CASTING AGENT (VO): Maybe next time.
ONE-EYE, dejected: Yeah.
ONE-EYE, defeated, walks past PROOG, nudging him to the side.
ONE-EYE: Out of the way, mutton chops.
PROOG: I’m sure you were very good.
ONE-EYE shoots him a mean look, then EXITS, muttering “I’m sure you were very good.”
CASTING AGENT (VO): Oh, Carol…
The SECRETARY (CAROL) gets up and sticks her head in the open door. We hear whispers and muffled conversation. MR. INDELIBLE is clearly checking out her ass as she does this.
CAROL, turning back to the room: Alright, Mr. T has just informed me that although this is a family picture, which Mr. Wadlewski completely failed to grasp (CAROL shudders), there will be no cute furry animals. So, any cute furry animals are going to have to leave.
SCRITCH turns from his kids, who are beating the crap out of each other, and looks at CAROL with wide, sad eyes. Through his pantomime, he conveys that his kids are starving and his wife will give him hell if he doesn’t get the part.
CAROL shakes her head and points to the door, with sympathy.
SCRITCH gathers his kids and whispers something to them. They all drop to their knees with super-cute pleading faces.
CAROL rolls her eyes. She grabs a nut from a jar on her desk and tosses it out the window. Immediately, SCRITCH and kids go tearing after it, as in Ice Age. We hear car horns and screeching tires.
CAROL does an “oops” face, and returns to her work.
She is interrupted by the quiet southern female voice of Maisy Duck.
MAISY: Does that mean me, too?
CAROL: Sorry hon. No animals.
MAISY: Ahm not furry.
CAROL: Close enough.
MAISY: I-
MAISY is interrupted by her cell phone.
MAISY: Hey Donny! Uh huh. Uh huh. OOO! That’s wonderful news! Thank you so much.
MAISY puts her phone away.
MAISY (to CAROL, triumphantly): Ah’ll be leaving now. Someone’s cutting the ribbon at the new IKEA this afternoon!
MAISY sachets across the room and out the door. MR. INDELIBLE is clearly watching her ass.
ANNIE slaps him.
ANNIE: You ain’t a man! You’re a pig!
MR. INDELIBLE: Hey! Come on! You’re just jealous that I haven’t been looking at you!
ANNIE (backing him up into his seat by poking him in the chest): And pigs is animals and the lady said NO ANIMALS!
MR. INDELIBLE jumps out of his seat, striking a threatening pose.
MR. INDELIBLE: That’s it. You’ve been on my case since I got here this morning.
ANNIE: What’re you going to do, hit me? Hit a giiiiiiirl?
MR. INDELIBLE raises his hand as though preparing a karate chop.
MR. INDELIBLE: Take a look at that!
We see that his hand is in the sunshine coming through the window, giving his flesh a soft, realistic glow.
MR. INDELIBLE: It’s called “subsurface scattering”, sweetheart, and it’s something you’re never going to have.
ANNIE looks hurt.
MR. INDELIBLE: And this…
He brings the hand down to slap his stomach. He’s still a bit chubby, and his stomach wobbles and shakes a bit when he hits it.
MR. INDELIBLE: Procedural secondary motion. You might as well just go home.
ANNIE, defeated: You’re a horrible man. And you’re still a pig. You’re a horrible man-pig.
MR. INDELIBLE, mocking: Snort, snort.
ANNIE, angrier: And you’re a bully too. And you know what I do to bullies!
ANNIE swarms onto MR. INDELIBLE and they begin to brawl.
CAROL: No! No fighting!
The battle continues, with CAROL giving VO protest until we hear the distinctive sound of a very large sword being drawn.
CAROL stands on her desk holding a gigantic anime sword.
CAROL: And believe me. I know how to use it.
ANNIE and MR. INDELIBLE stop fighting and gape at her.
CAROL: Both of you, get out now.
MR. INDELIBLE: You are so hot.
CAROL: GO!
ANNIE and MR. INDELIBLE flee.
There is a beat of silence, then MR. INDELIBLE’s head appears in the door.
MR. INDELIBLE: So what time do you-
He is cut short by the sword thunking into the door jam, narrowly missing him.
CAROL (VO): GO!
This time, he does not come back.
CAROL (still on the desk): Anyone else want to tell me their family’s starving? Or try to look down my shirt? Or start wrecking the place? No? Good.
CAROL climbs down and straightens her hair.
CAROL: Now who’s next?
ARMATURE meekly raises his hand and stands up. His motions are like those of a street mime.
CAROL: Name?
ARMATURE pantomimes: ??? (what? an innocent “I don’t know.”)
CAROL: It’s a speaking part, hon.
ARMATURE pantomimes hyper-dejection, a big sigh and slouch.
CAROL: And in the future, you might want to put a little more meat on your bones. Mr. T. doesn’t go for that anorexic thing.
ARMATURE puts its hands over its stomach and nods its head.
CAROL: Great. Come back after you eat a few sandwiches, okay?
ARMATURE gives a thumbs up and walks out.
-continued in next post…-
