The music is a little depressing. The question I have is who is this for? Are you trying to show that you are a one stop shop for all their video needs? Or are you trying to get a job on a production team for a particular job.
My advice (which is worth every penny your paying for it) would depend on what the answer to the question above.
If this is to show you are a “one stop shop” (that is what I do), then I would show clips of finished projects with the clips speed slowed or speed-ed up to match the music. There is no need to describe what “part” you played because your potential client wants you to play all the parts. Customers like these want to see your finished products. Music is essential with a show reel like this. Choose wisely… And last, these types of clients are impressed with name-dropping. If you do work for a recognizable name, make sure they client knows it. I simply added a list of my 2012 clients at the end like credits. If mom and pop see you did something for ESPN or some other name they recognize, it goes a long way towards them choosing you.
If the show reel is to become a member of a team, then drop the music as they will likely turn it off. These people don’t care about your music. With these people saying you did “everything” is meaningless, you need to show them you understand meshes, modeling, compositing, masking. With these people you need to show you know how to do these different pieces. They want to see the wire frame or the layering or masking in the compositor. Show a turntable of your best model maybe clay first, then clay and wire, then textured. Show them the scene with each of the layers added one at a time.
Also it is a little long. My show reel is 2 minutes long, and that is really too long too.