My goal is to set a lonely, sad mood which reflects a parent losing his child. I need to have it ready for tomorrow, so I cannot make any big changes. Any feedback would be extremely appreciatted.
The cloudy sky is a good idea. Try to improve the textures if possible. Also, bring down the saturation . . . everthing is too bright (esp. the grass). Maybe make the grass thicker and more random (it’s too straight).
Frost’s poem is really a conversation between the couple, and is about their relationship. (I actually hate this style of his while loving all his other poems).
One key aspect of this poem is what it means to walk out the door or not walk out the door, to be in the house or not, doing what thing where. The physical spaces are important, they are used as tools by the characters in their anger and in their seperation . This is something you can show in your scene (the house vs. the field, or the staircase, or a second storey window of the house maybe with a light and the wife in it). You can do this by reframing the camera shot, or by moving or adding stuff. I always remember the woman’s view out the window with the “childs mound” really sticking out among the older more impersonal stone markers.
Logical stuff: Where’d that huge rock come from? Looks like it’s always been there, but the field looks like a nice midwestern flat field rather than a hilly rocky New England field He might also look more alone on a hilltop, or a more constrained space might reflect the tension in the poem rather than the calmer flat scene. Where’d the chair come from also? Is it needed? If just dug you would also have more rocks and dirt around, and also you would probably bury someone in an unused area, maybe with more weeds around than in a more regularly planted field like that.
Rotate the wood texture on that fencepost, the wood grain needs to run vertically. Yeah, the grass is bright. What time of day is it? Evening? The sky by its color and shading looks so (like a clear summer evening) but the light on the grass is the wrong color, looks like a spotlight on the grass. Also you might want to make the parts of the fence less regular and rougher. Like a more old fashioned split-rail fence. http://www.infomotions.com/gallery/heart-of-texas/Images/DSCN0438.jpg
I like the character, he’s pretty well done (though the hand is big).
I would say “good start”.
The burial plot should be a mound unless the burial is more than 18 months old.
If the light is behind the viewer the grass would probably be reflecting more. (i.e. pale color)
The dark sky is good, looks like there is either a storm coming, or has just happened. Clouds would help.
I hope you get a good mark for your essay.
I was given one more day to turn in my work, so I can work a bit more on it tomorrow.
coderdave- I can’t believe I forgot to put something in the sky. Yeah, I think the clouds improved the look. I’ll also see if I can get some better textures.
Cire- I’m using static particles for the grass…and I can’t find a way to randomize the grass. Unless it requires Curve Guides, which I will add tomorrow.
Duke Forever- Turns out I had the mouth on a separate material.
Reed- You have an interesting interpretation of the poem. Some of your suggestions were tempting, but I doubt I’ll have the time to implement them. Thanks for the fence, which I will try to model.
3Distracted- I don’t understand the mound comment…Care to elaborate?
I’ll post a bigger image in the morning, once it finishes rendering…
The second image is much improved from the first, but it could still be better. The most important change I would make is definitely the lighting: good lighting is the easiest and most effective way to “set the mood” and get an emotional response.
Looking at your image, there are two things I’m concerned with, where lighting is concerned:
Realism. Where is the light coming from? By the angle, I’d guess it was supposed to be from a sunset/sunrise, but if that were so, the light should be a red-orange color. Currently, the light’s angle (behind the camera) and color (white) make it look almost like a flash photograph – to be honest, it’s pretty uninteresting.
Emotion. You say you want to convey a sense of bereavement and mourning for a lost child. How about a deep red-orange color, like from a sunset. Besides making the image more interesting to look at, the idea of the setting sun can reinforce the theme of death/loss, and suggest a strong bond between the man and the dead child (maybe the man has been working since sunrise to bury his child).
An interesting, emotional idea would be to have the light come from the left side of the image, in such a way that the shadow of the man is cast onto the grave stone. This would also cause the man’s face to be in shadow, adding a bit of mystery (is this rugged farmer crying, or just thinking?). It also has the fortunate side effect that you don’t need to texture or pose the face.
Some other, less important issues I can think of:
Why did he bury the child at this particular location? It seems to be in a wide-open pasture, and set at a strange angle relative to the nearby fence. (For that matter, his fence wouldn’t be very functional with only two sides. If he’s not finished yet, where are the unfinished pieces?)
That fence must have been built by a robot, with boards from a lumber yard, because it is too perfectly-aligned! If you have the time, try varying the segments of the fence (width, height, curviness, etc.) to make it look more natural.
That grass must have been planted and mowed by a robot, because… oh, I already used that expression already.
How did he get that big old rock all the way into the middle of his pasture? He must have the strength of a robot… (I must have robots on the brain.) Anyway, a small wooden cross might be more appropriate.
Also, I think what 3Distracted meant is this: the dirt mound should be more tall and rounded, like a small hill. If it has been recently dug, the dirt would not have been packed flat yet. Unless it were dug by a robot…
That should be enough feedback to keep you busy for a long time. … unless you are a robot, that is.
As you can see, I redid a bunch of things. Most of all, I “de-robotized” the grave, gave the grass some variety and changed the lightning/background. Since the house and closer fence weren’t contributing to the scene, I went ahead and removed them.
I’m pretty satisfied with everything except the mound, which I have no idea of how to fix. Any pointers on how to improve it? And while I’m at it, anything else I should change? Still got 13 hours before turning it in.
Good work. That is looking much better, and I think, captures the mood of desolation very effectively. The sunset sky gives it a feeling of “this is The End”.
About the mound - when a body is buried, the grave is partially filled before putting back the loose earth so the result is a mound of earth which settles back gradually over time. Which is why a new grave is typically slightly mounded while very old graves tend to have sunk a little.
If you still want to fix it, the mound looks like it was neatly piled and squared off, really it should look more like it was just heaped along the length. But still good work in a short time.
I modified the mound to be more similar to your description. I also messed with the grass some more.
Thanks to everyone who commented on it. You were all a great help and I hope I can help you guys as well!