How often we are the spider

I wrote another story. Comments and crit please.


Summer sun streamed in through my windows and dashed across my

face as the trees danced to the beat of the wind. My blankets

were pushed to the side and I was covered with a cold sweat. A

stale premonition wrapped itself around my head and body and

slowly found it’s way down my throat and into the pit of my

stomach. I tried to brush it off as nerves as I sat up and

looked across the sun-splotched floor of my room.

Drunkenly, I stood up and made my way over to my cluttered

desk. I blew the accumulated dust off the keyboard and moved

bottles and papers so I could get a view of the monitor. I

signed on to my IM as quickly as I could but I needn’t. I knew

she’d be there waiting, a patient soul she was. I sat there for

a moment before deciding on my conversation starter for the

day, something that she’d remember.

TheeKid35: What a tangled web we weave

SheWhoWishes: And how often we are the spider

TheeKid35: You never cease to amaze me. How long have you been

on?

SheWhoWishes: Time is of the essence so I suppose it doesn’t

matter.

TheeKid35: Well actually I suppose it does. Like for example

what time am I gonna pick you up?

SheWhoWishes: Time constricts,
and discriminates,
helps heal wounds,
but eminates,
misery,
hate,
and loneliness

TheeKid35:…

SheWhoWishes: How about 11?

TheeKid35: Alright philosopher. And btw have I told you?

SheWhoWishes: Only every day, but I want to hear it again.

TheeKid35: I love you

I signed off and slowly leaned back in my chair. I kept the

conversation up whilst I listened to the soft hum of the cpu

repeat her name again and again.

I tried to relax but in the pit of my stomach was a knot

hanging on like a sick little bird’s nest clings to the

branches of a mighty oak. I glanced toward the clock which read

  1. So much time to wait, it would take an eternity to pass.

Stretching my legs, I swung around in my chair and scanned the

room for my towel. I picked it up off the floor and shook it.

Still damp, I decided that from now on I would hang it up.


As I climbed out of the shower I was again struck by that

strange feeling, a pressure in my head, a sickness in my

stomach. The steam from the shower was making it worse; I

quickly dried off and went to my room.

When I entered the room my head was pounding, I couldn’t think

straight. I threw my towel against the wall and dove into bed,

tucking my head under the pillow.


Slowly I came to. My ears were ringing and I was feeling

lightheaded. I opened my eyes but for a moment I could see

nothing. Slowly my vision came back and with it panic for I

could see the clock. 11:30.

I lept up, almost losing my balance, and stumbled over to my

dresser. I had no idea what I wanted to wear so I grabbed what

I could and threw it on. Slipping my keys into my pocket, I

headed out of my room and into the garage.

I jammed the key into the lock, twisted it, and slid into the

car. As the car’s engine rolled to life, I started to think

about what we would do. Maybe a movie, but definitely lunch

first.

The car rolled on down the lane and I made a left then a right.

I could drive to her house with my eyes closed I thought. The

back bumper of the car screeched against the pavement I drove

into her steep driveway. I let the car sit there and purr your

name for a few moments before I starved the engine and

clambered out.

A nice day really, such a shame that my head was throbbing.

Perhaps we wouldn’t go to a movie after lunch, maybe just back

to my house, I thought as I stepped up onto her porch. I rang

the door bell and watched her descending the staircase through

the window.

The door swung open and i was greeted by my favorite site, the

most beautiful young lady I had ever seen. She pressed herself

into my arms and I swear that I was not longer on 103 South

Ramirez Lane.

I took her hand in mine and we lazily strolled toward the car.

We both hopped in and for a moment just stood there gazing at

each other. The engine flipped over and started to sing her

name, Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday, as she laced her fingers through

mine.

As we left her favorite diner, I asked her what she wanted to

do next. My watch read 1:15; we had all day. As always she

wanted to go see a romantic flick, boring but bearable as long

as I was with her.


We found ourselves in the third row seat of an empty theater,

her back to the screen, my lips against hers as the credits

rolled on and on. We sat there for as long as we could holding

each other tight, but eventually we were ushered out. My head

started to hurt again but I ignored it, no reason to ruin the

fun.

We both got into the car and decided it was time to head home.

I started the engine and slowly the car slid down the street.

It was a cool evening and the night was coming fast but we

laughed together as I turned onto the interstate.

Slowly the throbbing in my head turned into a suffocating

pressure. My vision faltered, her voice shrieked out in

surprise and concern but I could not grasp what she said before

everything went black.


I awoke two days later on a small bed in a white room. I was

hooked up to an iv and was tucked tightly into the bed. I

struggled to move but the left side of my body refused to

answer. I found that I couldn’t sit up and tried to

yell but my voice was hoarse and I was soon overcome by a fit of coughing.

A gentile looking, elderly nurse leaned over my bed and spoke

to me in a soft voice.

“How are you feeling, hun?”

Then it all came crashing back to me, that night, the pressure,

Tuesday.

“Where is she?”

"Try to take it easy. You’ve just come out of a coma, no need

to hurt yourself anymore."

“Where is she!?!”

"Just a second, your parents wanted to be notified as soon as

you woke up. Worried sick, they were."

“I asked you where is Tuesday?!”

The nurse hesitated for just a moment before she replied,

“She’s in good hands dear boy…”

Even though I wasn’t told that she had been thrown from the car

as we hit an oncoming semi until later, I knew all I needed to

know at that moment. Gone. I couldn’t hear anything else the

nurse said after that. Only one thing was playing through my

head; What a tangled web we weave; how often we are the

spider…

Sometimes you are the window, sometimes you are the bug.

Very thought-provoking. A sure story to last the ages to come.

Haha thanks guys. But I’d like some crit for the second draft please.

So basic the character’s missus died in a car crash. But I couldn’t get the bit about the spider and web. Sorry I wasnae the best in English class.

It means that life gets weird and somehow you can always trace it back to yourself

So what exactly does the lead charickter trace upon himself if I may be bold enough to ask ?

his premonition was unheeded

So he had a headache which was a premonition. Very elaborate. I should have read the story twice then. Cheers dude.

well that and the fact that he took a shower and passed out. oh and I made it all up on the fly too, it’s not that elaborate