Hi all!after buying many many games, I have found out how to be a pro!!
this post is a sarcastic tutorial on how to be “Just like the pro’s!”
(if you big @$$-holes wanna sue me for my honest opinion, good luck on getting blood out of a turnip!)
as I said before this is just a comic, dont try this at home…
Rules:
1… Make sure that the end user has to type in a “activation code” to play.
That way only the people who purchased your game get punished and have to BOW to you and submit a code before they even play the game.
It also rewards people who downloaded the pirate version, because they get to skip this part.
2… make Sure your game is incomplete upon release…
This gains massive amounts of revenue from your little peon affiliates , they get to fly their little banners and make you wait in line to get the patches needed to play the game you payed money for.all the time they get +1 cent for makeing the end user stare at the banners.
It also keeps the kids coming back to the site and seeing your upcoming game advertisements
People who downloaded the pirated version get to skip this part.
3… after the end user patches the game, make sure you make them create an account.
this aids pedophiles in gaining access to the children’s private data Be sure to ask questions like Address, Phone number, and anything else a sick person might need to attack your customers with their sexual assault .
People who downloaded the pirate version get to skip this part as well.
4… make sure your game only plays on certain types of CD and DVD drives.
This way you get to gain extortion money from hardware manufactures!
5… Make sure the installer makes directories and Start button links to the company name FIRST, then the game name…
This will make your mindless customers see your company name every time they want to play the game…
They must pay tribute to you before they get to where they want to go.
6… make uninstallers delete everything, except the folder with the company name on it.
7… Make sure the gamer See’s your logo on the startup screen. Dont let them access the actual game they payed for, until they see the animation with your company logo.
only after they see your logo, then let them press escape.
Better yet… make it a different key every time, this will make them stare at your logo longer!
8… use Pre-rendered scenes of the actual game models in the snapshots on the back of the box, and for your TV commercials). That way your end uses get to feel Truly cheated and longing for more.
9… Buy ads in popular magazines… it is totally obvious that the games that have Ad’s get better reviews.
10… place your cd-s and DVD-s in paper envelopes…
This insures that the end user damages the disk every time they use it. The way the laws are the end user gets screwed, and has to pay for a new cd… this means double the profits for you!
