I still didn’t properly figured out what I want to devote my life to, I mean in CG.
I begun as viewmodel animator , I saw a lot of such animations, so at some point I decided to begin my journey to CG because of that, can’t say that i did good anims, I didn’t had much time to develop good skills and experience, but I was learning it with all responsibility - read Animator’s Survival Kit, as well as watched it’s videos (spectacular learning material for animator), tried to read Illusion of Life (I have some troubles with reading books), though it’s a useful material, watched and followed lots of courses and tutorials. Was doing animations for guns and was implementing them into GMod (Source Engine), but at some point I just got tired of it’s clunkyness and outdated nature, so decided to move to something more modern, like UE4, but for this need to learn Engine…
It’s a pain (animation), lots of pain, but still feel that I want to get back to it, but I don’t remember why I loved it so much, besides it was long time ago, I forgot a lot of stuff.
Then I begun learning how to actually 3D (because… well, when you do CG you should have at least basic knowledge of modeling, besides, you need models to animate, right?) - hard surface, sculpting, retopology. It’s very… troubling, because i always just don’t know what to model, I like guns and environment, but because i can’t figure out what exactly I want to model from environment, because of that I modelled only guns. Also I have done sculpt of male body, to use it in future for viewmodel animations and modelling clothes (I find sculpting kinda fun). Also I earn some money with modelling, but I don’t really feel that I want to spend my life on it, maybe it’s because it was rushed, there was crunches, and models wasn’t really appealing to me (trains and eventing that related to them).
Now it feels like I forgot why I even started it all, feel myself so empty, unfulfilled, I’m lost.