You obviously put a lot of work into that. And you asked for it to be picked apart so I’ll give you as in depth of a review as I can.
Of course all of this is just my opinion, but it takes too long to qualify each statement with: “It might just be me, but…”. So keep in mind that I’m going to sound like more of a prick than I am ;-).
The pattern of cracks in the ground is very good. The color seemed too yellow. Couldn’t tell what the bumpy tube was supposed to be. Too drastic of a camera move at the end (0:11). Very nice defocus to overlay the title.
Shot 2 (0:26)
The fade was too quick (since you’re going from a moving camera to a still camera–it would be okay if the camera was also moving the same way in shot 2). Also the previous shot was just coming into focus before the fade out… made the transition rough.
Really cool model and texture on the bird.
Shot 3 (0:36) Another jarring transition. Couldn’t tell if I was looking at the same bird.
The environment looks pretty cool.
Most of the motion is good, but it is unclear what he is attempting to do by throwing the junk into the sky. I assume the piece that then fell is the one he threw, but he didn’t seem to expect it.
Shot 4 (0:46) Another jarring transition, but this one is because in the previous shot the bird just started an action. I would expect any cut to give a better shot of that new action.
The bird looks pretty cool, but I don’t know why this one has feathers and the other one doesn’t. His movements are stiff, but that’s okay since it is a mechanical bird.
At the beginning of the shot it looks like he is jarred awake by something, but there was nothing to cause that.
The camera moves strangely, with the sporadic zooms it seems like it was supposed to look hand-held, but it doesn’t (it’s very difficult to make a CG camera look hand-held).
Shot 5 (0:59)
Kind of seems like this bird is reacting to the call of the previous bird, but his move is slightly delayed. Other than that, good.
Shot 6 (1:03)
This is a cool looking wide shot.
Since the bird in shot 5 just turned his head, I assume this shot is from his point of view.
Shot 7 (1:05)
This shot is pretty cool, but the camera needs to be smoothed out and the shot should last much longer.
Shot 8 (1:07)
This shot looks awesome, but the bird had already lifted up his head to look in shot 5. You could get a similar feel (of the close up bird appearing in frame) by having the camera move down (so the bird is out of frame at the beginning of the shot and framed how you have him by the end of the shot).
Shot 9 (1:12)
This shot is confusing. The action has started already so it would probably be better to have a cut rather than a fade.
It looks like the bird is slowly hovering while descending. But after watching it again, you probably meant for him to be diving. If so, he should be moving faster and shown from a better camera angle (over his shoulder or from the point of view of the bird on the ground)
Shot 10 (1:20)
This shot should be combined with shot 12 or cut.
Shot 11 (1:25)
This shot looks great!
Shot 12 (1:28)
I really like the new element of smoke coming out of the bird. Cool looking animation all around (good wing flapping).
I don’t understand why it changed to black and white.
They should still be moving as it fades to black.
Overall, there is a lot of good stuff here. I hope my comments have been helpful.