Letting out some steam + I've been away from Blender for too long...

I haven’t done any major project in Blender this year in 2010 except for my Aperture Science project which I got stumped on and lost interest (like EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE)… *sigh…

Anyway, it’s been about two months since I’ve logged onto this forum even. My brain is also way to dry as far as creativity goes. I fear for my position in my art school at the moment because I concurrently have an attendance problem as well as lack of artist-ness.

*sigh…facepalm…

I feel drained. But now I feel a little better that I’m letting some of my sadness out to you guys. But I’ve felt like this since Middle School started. I’m a Sophomore : /.

I’m getting a little off track here, so, um, I’ve missed the release of 2.53 and 2.54! I haven’t used Blender since the era of version 2.52… I’m losing it. And there’s not much to be sad about… I have a great life, and opportunities people would pay thousands and millions for.

I’m a visual art major, but my brain is relatively blank and I feel like a piece of over-chewed gum. I look at the artwork of my friends and it easily rivals the depth of any poem. They create stuff that’s just so creative it boggle my mind, and I feel unworthy. So visually balanced with everything from color to shape to texture and mood, and I just sketch a fish somewhat nicely… I know there are different skill levels at my school but… BLAAAAAAAAAGH!

I can draw well, I know I can… I think that’s mostly how I got it. But I can’t create. Not like I used to… not like them, not like my peers. I don’t think I’m the worst but no way am I on par with the majority of the other visual art majors. I need some inspiration or a spark or something.

But I can feel emotional pressure building up. It’s like an anxiety blended with depression, and, it’s making me think like a dry well. I know I have the artist in me. It’s in my genes, but I just don’t know how to express myself like an artist properly. I know I have potential, I have done some really nice work. But I don’t pump out paintings like everybody else, one after another, each and every one with intricate details and vibrant emotion. If I posted some pictures of the walls in art class… wow, you guys would be stunned.

Wow, it’s 2:18 AM, and I’ve been writing this for just over an hour. I took my time writing it.

Anyway, my creativity is dry and I feel like $%&@ because of it. Short, sweet, and to the point.

So, back to the original point of this thread. After letting out some “steam” so to speak, what’s new in Blender 2.54? What’s new in the last month (besides Sintel, which was AMAZING)?

I wanted to create IronMan photorealistically in Blender near the beginning of Summer, but I see that’s been done already…

I’m not too satisfied with my “Aperture Science from the outside” project, I think it needs to be redesigned but I can’t put my finger on what I need to fix. I know the building could be re-done, I was going to put it in a Half-Life 2: Episode 2 type environment, with mountains covered with a dense, deep green forest. I need more sketches…

I need a new GPU! I want to try Octane but my CPU has one individual core, and thus, not capable of CUDA. My mom hopes that we can get a new desktop soon, but school starts for her soon and so she’ll get a laptop first, which is wayy too expensive for us right now but she needs it.

Also, my computer is filled with JUNK, I can’t decide what to delete and what not to delete, but there’s too much to sort through in the first place (~175 GB left on a 455 GB (it said 500 GB on the computer packaging!) hard drive).

It’s not the amount of data I have… it’s the number of disorganized folders I have.

Ok, so, I just created a file tree with a file tree generator that spits out a basic .txt file with a typed out list of files and folders, with basic letters and text symbols. A map of my Desktop folder alone was a 700kb .txt file!

It takes 700kb (just under 700,000 letters) just to list the files and folders in my desktop.

How do I clean out something like that?

So, yeah, I’m back, and maybe this time I can keep my promise of visiting this forum more often.

I look back at what I did when I was YellowLambo here, and, I look at my old .blend files, and in seconds I was cleaning up what seems like a mess of a .blend to me now, so if I can just at least complete more than 1% of a a project nowadays I know I can be a better artist and Blender-er. It’s been a while since I done some serious blending, but I need your guys help to spark my imagination and get those images from my brain to polygons, to rendered images!

Please excuse my long rant about myself, it’s late at night and I feel much better than I did before I took the two hours to write this post. If anyone feels emotionally bland like me, please talk to me about it. I need someone to talk to. I don’t talk to people about much except same-old same-old very often.

So, uhh, I’ll go download 2.54 (I feel excited to see what new stuff they added 8D), and see what’s up and what’s new in the world of Blender.

Peace,
31Orcas

P.S. I might be on here until ~4 A.M., so I might make another thread or two or something.

EDIT: Feel free to move this to a different forum mods, it does have to do with Blender and the description for “Off-Topic Chat” is “Discuss things not related to Blender or Computer Graphics”, and well, it does have to do with Blender.

Interstellar off topic

Haha, yeah, it’s late, and I’m somewhat in la-la land right now. Please acknowledge that : ).

I need a mod to move this…

no, this has to do with you. not blender :slight_smile:

delete all your anime/porn/movies/tvshows and quit wasting your own time. shut up and blend! force yourself, you will feel better.

To some extent, I agree. I get those downward spirals too, now and then, and you really need to occupy yourself. I write a lot, and I have found that when I get that way, I need to just write some horrible crap and toss it away. Repeat if needed. At some point, I force myself out of it that way, and until then, at least I am too preoccupied to feel like s**t.

So yeah, do something creative, and don’t try to do it ‘right’ or ‘good’. Just do it (damn you, Nike!).

To be honest I didn’t do a lot of stuff (when it comes to creating images) throughout this year as well (because of continually trying the render25 branch only to keep getting black dots with the settings I think give the best results, that which never got fixed).

That was before I downloaded Luxblend25 which is allowing me to produce some good looking renders with sophisticated GI, forget the render25 branch, prospective render developers should look at Luxrender which isn’t full of hacks and workarounds like BI.

The bulk of the stuff I did this year was either related to my art selling business or work with the BGE, not creating images in Blender.

Don’t toke then post, mkay kids?

Seriously, leave the weed and the other distractions for a few days. Get your head back on and do something more direct for a change. Blender requires way to much work to get anything out of it if you are depressed or in a funk. Draw or write or paint something. Once you’ve actually produced a few things you’ll feel better. Once you get your mojo back, then tackle Blender.

Alrighty, take control of your life. What ever you’re doing that doesn’t help you, hurts you. Drop everything that controls you. The drugs, the television, the XBox and take control of your life.

There’s not too much that controls my life… I have more free time than anyone I can think of. Which is why I don’t understand myself.

After looking at my grades, I have great test scores but a horrible assignment turn in rate. It’s been obvious throughout my life that I have a serious concentration problem. It MY OWN BRAIN that’s distracting me. I need something to calm down my thoughts… no, I don’t do any drugs, and I don’t plan to…

So, like you all said, I need to get my focus, and keep my eye on the prize.

Do… any of you know any remedies that could keep my thoughts controlled but creative?

Also, yes, writing stuff down DID help. A lot. I feel happier than I have since… the last time I was drawing 8D.

Also, I’ll be using BlenderArtists’ Traditional art forum quite a bit to showcase some work I’ve done. I really need to catch up on that too. Also, if I need help on an art class assignment, what better way to receive critique from people across the globe?

I’ll be creating some random shizzle Blender, peace out for a little while!

Your own brain distracting you hmm…
That happens to me a lot… I think haven’t found any cure to it…

What I do when I’m feeling like crap is, rationalize it until it seems practically idiotic to feel that way (I’m half artist, half cientist :wink: ).
Then do my best to stop thinking about it. So I watch a movie & then think about "what if"s, thinking what might happen after the end, what might ave happened before, what could have happened differently, etc… & I keep at that until I have a great idea, or I get bored & go to sleep :P… or if it’s not late enough to sleep, I play the piano to clear my mind :D…

That’s it! :eek:, learn to play an instrument & do it when you want to clear your mind XD

Hmmm… FL Studio is what drove me away from Blender in the first place, and I want to stay in my visual art major, but learning music is time consuming but very, very tempting.

Then again, me and my friends were just beginning to start a band. We still need a place to meet and start writing songs, so… I don’t know. I caught up between music, my thoughts, and visual art.

But I’m working on a little project right now, and I feel like I’ve finally been able to occupy myself with something useful for once.

I’ll be back later tonight with some updates on my mini project hopefully : ). I’m also working faster than ever!

“If you work at that which is before you, following right reason seriously, vigorously, calmly, without allowing anything else to distract you, but keeping your divine part pure, as if you were bound to give it back immediately; if you hold to this, expecting nothing, but satisfied to live now according to nature, speaking heroic truth in every word which you utter, you will live happy. And there is no man able to prevent this.”

  • Marcus Aurelius

You aren’t focused. let’s go. Focus, pint point accuracy.

Sad about your art quality/output? Go read some of these books, emo kid!

http://alexhays.com/loomis/



http://www.taoteching.org/
http://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/mao/works/red-book/

Uh, hevermind. Just read the first two. The rest will waste your time and give you zero artistic ability.

Get a bus route to your school, draw on the bus. Destroying your infantile wussy fears of other people viewing your work is paramount, because otherwise you will resign yourself to only drawing when you can guarantee nobody will judge you and make you feel bad. The best cure: Draw naked ladies. Yeah, I said it. If you can draw a naked lady while a friendly grandma’s sitting next to you, you will find the motivation to draw anything, anywhere.

Oh yeah, don’t be all, “oooh, the bus is shaky and I’ll never learn to draw in this environment via practice.” Or “ooooh, my mom didn’t change my diaper, I could never learn to draw with a diaper filled.”

@31Orcas: You’re not alone.
@ogbog: thanks a lot man! I fell like just being hit with a steel bat.
we can’t blame our laziness to anything else except ourselves.

Start blending, stop whining.:stuck_out_tongue:

@ogbog: Very nice list. A dip into any/all of those is certainly an enlightening experience. May I also suggest
Art of war
for overcoming your fears/shortcomings/insecurities and maintaining focus. We’re all (fairly ;)) artistic here so drawing on the text as a metaphor shouldn’t be too hard.

@31Orcas:

Reading through the replies, I feel I have to add that although a destination is important, sometimes we can all lose sight of the joys that the journey can bring.

Sometimes when I focus on a destination so strongly that it blinds me to what is closest to me, I can lose track of the purpose for the journey. Reflection and observation of the glorious sights along the way can bring me benefits that I hadn’t foreseen when embarking on a project. Maybe you need to focus more, or maybe you need to stop focussing on focussing and simply let the your feet and mind take you where they need to go.

Ever stopped looking for something only to find it right next to where you started looking? Sometimes the destination can be a distraction.

It’s not for everyone, but I find that sometimes I just need to sit still. Don’t even try to try at doing anything for a few hours. Some call this meditation, but saying “I’m meditating” is defeating the point of the exercise since the whole point is to do nothing, including thinking (including thinking about doing nothing, including thinking). When I’m ready to do something again, I usually find I have a drive and clarity that I had maybe despaired of ever having again.

A common theme in the posts above, that I agree with, is that doing something for the sake of it, rather than doing something that you want to be good, can often yield better results than striving. Even if what you produce isn’t ‘good’ in your eyes, if you enjoyed producing it then it is a meaningful result.

Sorry if this sounds preachy, this isn’t my intent. The written word is such a poor medium for conveying thoughts. At least in the hands of such an inept wordsmith as myself.

Hope you manage to find your muse once more. :slight_smile:

Ogbog: I understand that this is not a self-help/phsycology forum, but do you have to try to chase him off this forum by calling him ‘Emo kid’ and calling his feelings ‘infantile’? He’s even trying to work through these feelings himself to get better emotionally.:spin:

Part of it may be just a severe case of artists-block, much like writers-block but applying to artists instead, maybe just look at inspirational art from famous artists and stop trying to look at recreating stuff that has already been created (like Iron Man)

Let it off. You’re not alone.

I look at the artwork of my friends and it easily rivals the depth of any poem. They create stuff that’s just so creative it boggle my mind, and I feel unworthy.

For me, looking at incredible artwork puts me off for a moment, but it gives me more energy and the will to strive harder, and make something. Specially Alex Roman and Bertnand Benoit. If you get turned off real fast, seeing others works, its no problem. Take some time off Blending, do something else, and come back to this when you feel fresh and inspired.

My cure for times like this artistically is poor myself into some research.

But If it all still just seems too much, I take a break and go to the movies. Or do something else for a while. Plan a short trip, anything to get out and look around at what is going on outside of my world.

And when it comes time to get back to art, I dig in to some research on what I am going to do. The cure for writer’s block is research and living life. It is the same for art too. Too much art or too much creativity all the time and things get stuck. You have to get out and live some life and look around.

That is just basic stuff that is so easy to forget. You have to breathe.

And one thing that keeps me going is no matter what it is I am going to create I always do some research on it first. Look at a bunch of pictures or read articles. When I am taking all of this in then something clicks. Then its time to create.

So those two things (living to breathe and research) help my sanity level up quite a bit. Try it out and see if it works for you.

So, we couldn’t afford our internet bill. We just got it back a few days ago, and, wow that’s an embarrassing thread starter : /. Oh well.

@Kris: Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind : ).

@SeanJM: Also a note to everyone else to has/wants to comment, I have a psychologist appointment on January 6th… they can’t schedule it earlier because they have a busy schedule.

At this point in my life it’s obvious that I have some sort of chronic focus disorder. If I don’t than I’m just pathetic. So I’ll stick with the former to help out my self-esteem issues : ).

@ogbog: I get your point but harsh tone bro : /. No hard feelings. I’ll check out the links after I write this.

@AceDragon: Severe artist’s block is the right term I think : ).

Anyway, I’ll just move on, and work on some stuff in Blender. If I come up with something interesting, I’ll start a thread about it : ).