Massive distortion when unwrapping very simple object. Please Help!

This is four faces I have separated from the rest of my model to try to figure out why it won’t unwrap properly. The four faces you see in the 3d view are all that is there and they are all on the same plane.
I’ve checked for doubles, even moving all the vertices individually to check behind them. I’ve applied the scale and rotation in object mode and don’t know what else to do. I’m using conformal unwrap but I’ve also tried angle-based with even worse results. Please help, I’m completely out of ideas. Thank you!

Please attach or post a link to your blend file