Part 1 Of The Pointless Christmas Threads by CubeFan973:
RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER: The Rather Sick, Twisted, And Weird Version
By CubeFan973 and his nameless brother
Original lyrics by, well, I don’t know
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose (like a bullet)
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows (RADIATION!)
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names (like CENSORED!)
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games (like “Resident Evil”)
Then one snowy Chirstmas Eve,
Santa came to say, (RUDOLPH, YOU’RE FIRED!)
“Rudolph, with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?” (Into a vat of gasoline)
Then all the reindeer loved him,
As they shouted out with glee (We’re dead!)
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You’ll go down in his history (as a UFO)
Yes, I’m demented. BTW: The “Radiation” part was written by my brother. The idea of having a gory video game also goes to him, though he said “Mortal Kombat” rather than “Resident Evil.”
More Commentary (now each line rather than every other line):
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (had a nosebleed)
Had a very shiny nose (like a bullet)
And if you ever saw it (you’d be blind)
You would even say it glows (RADIATION!)
All of the other reindeer (tried to kill him)
Used to laugh and call him names (like CENSORED!)
They never let poor Rudolph (have their change)
Join in any reindeer games (like “Resident Evil”)
Then one snowy Chirstmas Eve, (he was buried)
Santa came to say, (RUDOLPH, YOU’RE FIRED!)
“Rudolph, with your nose so bright, (here’s a jigsaw puzzle*)
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?” (Into a vat of gasoline)
Then all the reindeer loved him, (even the guys)
As they shouted out with glee (We’re dead!)
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, (want a redder nose?)
You’ll go down in his history (as a UFO)
*Originally, it was “Why don’t you solve Kafka?” However, a jigsaw puzzle made more sense. “David Lynch movies” would have worked, too, but that’s way too many syllables.
Enjoy, and quit flaming already!
