Feels like i don’t want to do 3D anymore, new project and all i feel is anxiety and fear. All those overtimes, endless client “wishes” got me to the edge, besides, Blender doesn’t have good bridge between other 3d products like max, which translates in flow of swearing from colleagues into my direction. I work with company that do everything related to trains, but i don’t like to do trains, i don’t like it, they’re boring, from beginning to the end. So if it gets hot and close to deadline, i can’t force myself to model it overtime, because this is not kind of models that i like and will be proud in future, i won’t post it anywhere, i won’t look at them in future, because they’re horrific. Quality of my works drastically dropped, I watch my old works and all i think is - “Did I do this? Are they’re really mine? They’re so good! How could i do those models?”
In the beginning I wanted to be 3D animator, but there’s (in my city) no studios or anything like this who could pick newbie animator like me, and here (Blender Artists) need pretty experienced people, so i started learning how to model, thought i gonna do cool stuff, but reality is - people mostly need boring stuff (which actually possible find in net for free) like trains, laptops, smartphones. And again, in local jobs section need experienced people.
And not to mention - income is low, i have very specific set of skills, which is impossible to get at proper level in local schools, colleges, institutes, i learned everything by myself, and my income is same, as factory security guard! (actually lower, because those money are divided into 3 months cuz of overtimes)… I actually considering this as my potential job, i will have much more free time and consistent per-month income to learn something else, or re-learn animation and improve myself here.
Now I’m sitting stressed out and cannot force myself to work with new task (make someone else messy real-time model look pretty for render and do it’s internals, and materials).
So, should i just stop this all, or somehow overcome it and keep carry on, though i don’t know why should i, in a long shot this company can’t provide me future i want
P.S. Damn, stress is real struggle - my hairs are falling off because of that, i didn’t even hit 27 and already have a glimpse of bald spot! Sometimes it’s even scary to look into mirror. I want to buy some stuff for it, but still haven’t got my payment for last project, because I’m not protected with local statutory working code, so they can stretch it as long as they want… also i missed Black Friday because of that
(damn, I couldn’t put my thoughts into short sentence again)