Some Good Signatures

just another email i got:

  1. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WAS UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY.

  2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

  3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

  4. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

  5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

  6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

  7. I FEEL LIKE I’M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

  8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

  9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

  10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.

  11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

  12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

  13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

  14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY’RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

  15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

  16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

  17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

  18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT’LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

  19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

  20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!

  21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

  22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.

  23. OK, SO WHAT’S THE SPEED OF DARK?

  24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU’RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

  25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED
    SOMETHING.

  26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU’RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

  27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

  28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

  29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?

  30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

  31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

  32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

  33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.

  34. I COULDN’T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.

  35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?

  36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED.

  37. JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

  38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT
    UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

:stuck_out_tongue:

lol

Some really good ones in there. I especially like #3.

-Laurifer

Yeah, there are some really good ones there. Thanks for the post Prince.

I liked 11 the best.

Jack Handey actually wrote #3. Google him and read some more of his quotes (or better yet, buy his books).

He’s pure genius.

Half of the people you know are below the median.

#3 shouldn’t have a comma. With a comma, it means On the other hand, YOU (another person) have different fingers. Without, it means On the other hand YOU have (if english weren’t corrupted, this would be [one has]) different fingers.
Anyway, that is purely semantic, but you really should remove the comma. :stuck_out_tongue:

31 is also a gem, but I like 3 better.

I heard something similar to the first one on Car Talk once…

Tom: Sorry. I was lost in thought.
Ray: Of course you were, you’ve never been there before.

BTW, bash.org being down? did i miss something? It was my favourite resource for quotes :slight_smile:

Yep it is. Has been for about a week or so. I miss it too…sob

I used to keep a rather large list of these…
(Ignore the “this site has moved” message - the site that it moved to has since died, and I’ve since given up on that site entirely… I never bothered to fix the message. Please don’t comment on the hideous site layout or the fact that it’s built with tables - I know it’s bad but couldn’t be bothered to fix it. Yes, I also know that most of these quotes were wrotten and probably copyrighted by someone and none of them are attributed to anyone. See above. Don’t you hate it when you write a parentical message that’s a good 10 times as long as the rest of your post? I do.)

I saw this one the other day:

“There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary numbers and those who don’t”

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

You´ll have a quater of your life left. %|

LOL. :smiley:
that is definitely my quote of the day.

thank you for putting them here.
i love them :smiley:

Here’s a pretty cool quotes database for your surfing pleasure:

http://quotes.prolix.nu/

Hmm… I thought that 87.9 percent of all statistics were made up on the spot.

You couldn’t have been more wrong! It’s 73.2, didn’t you know?! :stuck_out_tongue:

Is my signature really this interesting you have to resize it for reading it?!

fixed

Life is like having a shit sandwich, if you have enough bread you hardly taste the shit.

%<