Some known facts about Chuck Norris - PART 2

  • The Titanic did not actually hit an iceberg…Chuck Norris was swimming laps between New York and London.

  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

  • If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

  • Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

  • Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

  • Chuck Norris’s dick is so big, it has its own Dick. And Chuck Norris’s Dick’s dick is bigger than your dick.

  • Each red and white blood cell in Chuck Norris’ bloodstream has its own beard.

  • Two words that lead us to believe that Osama Bin Laden is already dead…Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they’re wearing red, just in case they’re a Communist.

  • Chuck Norris once slept with Xena the Warrior Princess. Their child was Mr. T.

  • One time a foolish young man made direct eye contact with Chuck Norris while asking him for his autograph. Chuck Norris became so angry that he ejaculated fluorosulfuric acid at a velocity near the speed of sound into the boys chest, carving a fleshwound that spelled out “Best wishes, Chuck Norris” in cursive. He then went back to drinking his delicious Pearl beer.

  • Chuck Norris was the first person to climb everest. Naked

  • On a scale of 1 to 10, Chuck Norris kicks ass.

  • Chuck Norris once saved a cat from a tree, which was on fire, while being struck by lightning and bit by sharks at the same time.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t walk on water, the water kisses his feet.

  • It’s a little known fact that only three things will survive the apocalypse: cockroaches, Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris’ beard.

  • There is a picture of Chuck Norris next to ‘Justice’ in the dictionary. If your dictionary doesn’t have this, Chuck Norris will kill you.

  • Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris does.

  • If you try to kick Chuck Norris in the balls, his penis will roundhouse kick your foot.

  • Contrary to popular belief, a meteor did not end the dinosaurs’ existance. It was Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick; it was so powerful it left a massive crater in the earth.

  • You better buy Chuck Norris a Father’s Day present, because he is your daddy.

  • If Chuck Norris snorts cocaine, the cocaine gets excited

  • Chuck Norris can shit bricks of gold or small children of any race.

  • Chuck Norris is not the second coming of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was the first coming of Chuck Norris

  • Ever since Chuck Norris was born, evolution has been going in reverse

  • On the sixth day God created Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris inspired Jesus to grow a beard.

  • The Titanic didn’t sink because it hit an iceberg, but in fact it ran into Chuck Norris while practicing his underwater roundhouse kicks.

  • Scientists are trying to determine whether it is possible for Chuck Norris to deliver a roundhouse kick so powerful that even

  • Chuck Norris himself could not withstand it. Much of the research centers around Chuck Norris’ beard, which is believed to be his source of ultimate power.

  • Chuck Norris wipes his ass with sandpaper. After that he cleans it with baby oil.

  • Chuck Norris can satisfacy a whale

  • Chuck Norris ejaculated into the pacific ocean, the impact of his shot created a major catastrophe that the media described to us as the Tsunami

  • Chuck Norris’ sperm are so persuasive, he once impregnated a man.

  • Chuck Norris once saw his reflection in the mirror and challenged himself to a deathmatch. This quandary caused the universe to implode.

  • Chuck Norris’ beard contains the meaning of life.

  • God is Chuck Norris’ prototype.

  • The Leaning Tower of Pisa is no more tan an imitation of Chuck Norris’ erected pennis.

  • Chuck Norris shows no mercy, because in Chuck Norris’ language the word “mercy” means “beardless”.

  • A Tsunami is water fleeing from Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t just kill time, he roundhouse kicks it.

  • If you ever meet Chuck Norris, do not be afraid. We will all die some day.

  • The universe is not expanding, it’s escaping from Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris’ action figure has slept with more women than most men.

  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man into next week. He then roundhouse kicked himself into next week, so he could roundhouse the man another week forward.

  • If the Universe comes to an end, Chuck Norris will create it again.

https://blenderartists.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=57652

Only ONE is repeated

Don’t these sort of contradict each other?

Don’t these sort of contradict each other?[/quote]

Perhaps Chuck Norris was practising underwater roundhouse kicks while swimming laps.

Don’t these sort of contradict each other?[/quote]

Do not question Chuck Norris!

This goes to the same category with REAL NINJAS.

Chuck Norris don’t make mistakes…That’s why he don’t have erasers on his pencils.

Somebody sent this to me. I’ve italicized the repeats for you:

[1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. ]

2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

[3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. ]

4. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

[5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement. ]

[6. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. ]

[7. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. ]

8. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

[9. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. ]

10. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.

[11. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.” ]

12. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

13. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

[14. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. ]

[15. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. ]

16. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

[17. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. ]

18. Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the snot out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

19. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the poopie out of little kids.

[20. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his” way. ]

[21. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris. ]

[22. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. ]

23. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

[24. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.]

25. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for no reason. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Later,
–lir

oh god, at work I hear this all day…now its here…I am going crazy