I like the re-texture on the main ship. It really brings the ship alive and gives the scene more dimensionality.
As for the composition, I prefer the lower angle of the original. The original gives more of a sense of speed. Perhaps you can split the difference. Also, I think the way the lead ship was pointing right into the glare or the sun in the original was working better to draw your eye through the scene.
The position of the Starfury isn’t quite working for me. Maybe you can try to move it a bit down and to the right and give it more of an angle, like it’s fighting to get inside of the lead ship.
You also might want to change the color of the red/orange glows on the rear ship to different colors to differentiate the ships.
Maybe you can experiment with bringing back a bit of the heat shimmer/exhaust combined with a motion blur on the trailing edges of the ships. Maybe it’ll work, maybe not.
I’ll attach a quick and dirty paste up to roughly illustrate some of my comments. (I apologize for brutalizing your great work.)