Thank you! It works (and it works) I feel like there is a lot of stale/deprecated or just plain wrong blender documentation. I’ll keep this link handy.
I don’t think documentation is wrong. If it says bpy.types.Scene.update, it doesn’t mean you can call that. It’s only the type, not an instance of that type. You need to get an instance of that type first (e.g. scene from context).