Everybody, come quick! George Bush is being smart!
Everybody, come quick! CubeFan973 is writing something smart!
Can you be a pessimist and still doubt reality?
Writing is like beating someone with a bag of hammers. You do your best, and you don’t leave out any gory details. However, while people can kill with a pencil, nobody can write with a hammer.
Don’t bite your nails. You’ll grow a hand in your stomach.
I swallowed a tooth. If you find a dollar in the toilet, it’s mine.
Thirty dollars might be able to buy you a lot, but it won’t satisfy the IRS.
Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire? Especially when Ted Turner is available.
Intellectuals think like they’re smart. So do psuedo-intellectuals. How is that, anyway?
Those are all mine. That’s why they suck.
And what’s the deal with airplane food? It’s so small and unsatifying…
In this modern world, we can put a man on the moon, cure diseases, and talk with someone halfway across the world, but we still haven’t been able to create a convincing wig.
A man who stands on his toilet is high on pot.
Don’t feed the animals. Because they’re dead.
And what is this universal infatuation with the Internet? If someone told me 30 years ago that we’d be looking at a phone conversation you have to type as a scientific advance, I’d have them certified. And don’t say, “But you can send pictures as well.” It takes an hour to download the pictures, and half the time the tits are out of focus… oops. If I want to send someone a picture, I’ll use a brand-new invention called a stamp. Maybe I’m just getting old… --“The Log”
“Computers suck. They crash. Don’t use computers. I haven’t used a computer in over a year.” --RipSting, entering a chat room
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” --Someone in the 1800s
You know your game’s in trouble when Jesus appears in your texture maps.
I upped my pledge. Up yours!
The peacemaking conference to be held today has been canceled due to a conflict.
When you’re in a weightlifting match, I don’t think uncontrollable urination should disqualify you.
(On a deep thoughts page) Do you enjoy Comedy, Laughter and Humor? (If not, then why are you on this page in the first place?!)
What’s so good about Columbus discovering America? It’s so big, how could he miss it?
Americans call films “movies.” Why don’t they call photographs “stillies?”
Do witches use spell checkers?
Would a Catholic sperm bank be called Kingdom Cum?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Who’s General Failure? And why’s he reading my hard disk?!
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Why do all the people who complain about the Jerry Springer Show know so much about it?
Claudia praised my spontaneity, Jill criticized my impulsiveness. Claudia loved my friendliness, Jill said I was a suck up. Claudia laughed at all my jokes, Jill thought I was stupid. I married Jill. I couldn’t figure out what that darn Claudia was up to.