Text Adventure: The Unknown Building

You are walking down a street, when suddenly you notice a building. It has 3 windows open

What do you do?

Go to the BathroomBreak the windowHave Tea

break the window… with my head

you can

  scream in pain

  run away, and find a million dollars

  go inside

You chose to go inside, because a million dollars wasn’t important (ya, he’s stupid)

You come across a donut that has a strange substance like poison on it

you can

[list=]Eat it[/list] move ongo to the bathroom againsing carols

You choose to eat it and sing carols. Suddenly you spy a laptop. It is running Windows XP and is currently displaying a help box which reads, “Try Installing Linux. This should solve your problem.”

Assume that the poisonous donut is at work
It is just a hoax
Install Linux
Close the help box and play Half Life (reference to Desert text adventure)

You decide to install linux. You see a window that says “Stop, do you really want to overwrite the best software in the universe?” Your reaction is

            Die laughing
            Click Yes
            Live laughing
            Sing more carols

You decide to sing more carols. As you start singing a car drives by and throws a supsicious package at the house. You can:

open the package

blow up the package

go back to the computer

you decide to blow up the package. Pieces of cake go flying through the air. You catch one in your mouth. A note was in the piece of cake. You read the note. It says: Death is coming…Go to the top floor. You can

Go to the top floor

Sit in a corner and cry

Post messages at elysiun

Rip apart the laptop

You decide to sit in the corner and cry. Meanwhile, the aforementioned 1 million dollars is sitting in a room on the top floor. You will later discover that the ‘death is coming’ note was meant for the guy in the Desert Text adventure. A man comes out of no where and asks you for a light. You can:

  1. Punch him in the crotch and run away
  2. Punch him in the teeth and run away
  3. Kick him in the shins and laugh before running away
  4. Start yet another text adventure in the off-topic forum on elysiun using only 1337 5p34k
  5. Punch yourself in the crotch
  6. Find an effective way to actually smoke beer
  7. Count to 1 million backwards
  8. Have a sex change
  9. Hum the batman theme song way too many times so that the guy who asked you for a light punches you in the crotch
  10. Download a house
  11. Actually pay for commercial software
  12. Start a ‘farting company’
  13. Grow a third arm
  14. Get extremely drunk and then go driving on a golf course
  15. Take over the world
  16. Take over the local McDonalds
  17. Prank call yourself
  18. Get in a car accident
  19. Follow old people around
  20. Call the police station and report your penis as missing
  21. Go back in time for some reason
  22. Drink some rat milk
  23. Kill a goat
  24. Become a garbage man
  25. Read a book on astrophysics
  26. Apply for organ transplant
  27. Meet an Italian guy
  28. Get a PhD in poop
  29. Make a list of things that you have sat on
  30. Make fun of cats

you 6. find an effective way to actualy smoke beer and you make such a killing of it that you expose bill gates plan to rule the world and so you buy microsoft and fix windows. then you go buy the guy a lighter and when you hand it to him he pulls a gun on you and wants your money. you can

  1. give him your money
  2. pull out your own gun(hopefuly a bigger one than he has)
  3. walk away
  4. try to take his gun
  5. show him what its like to be child-proofed
  6. set him on fire with his lighter
  7. ivite him over for dinner
  8. show him the $1 million in the top floor
  9. try to convince yourself the matrix is real
  10. duck when he shoots you
  1. try to convince yourseelf the matrix is real, then

    1. try to convince him the matrix is real

    2. pull a neo, and start a ten minute fight scene

    3. try to duplicate yourself in ‘smith’ fashion

    4. cry like a little girl

You 2. pull a neo and start a SEVEN minute fight scene.

1.Neo win the fight
2. You put fire on neo and see him running like a sissy boy
3. Fly into the sky like superman and continu the fight a la Drangon Ball
4. Die

you set neo on fire…the director says: “cut! That wasn’t supposed to happen.” and “Stupid People.” you can

  1. kill the director
  2. take over the movie
  3. go to mcdonalds
  4. sing the blender theme song into the microphone (is there such a thing?)

You 4. sing the blender theme song into the microphone. since theres no such thing, you ad-lib it. unfortunently youre no good at doing that and the director threatens to kill you if you dont stop singing. you can

  1. kill the director
  2. keep singing and get killed
  3. leave
  4. take a break and get a coke

you decide 4. You get a coke, and fall asleep…when you wake up, you are in a padded room. you can

1.ram into the wall
2.scream ‘bloody murder’
3.demand a lawyer
4.talk to yourself about cosmetics

you choose 4. and begin chatting with yourself about cosmetics

a guitar suddenly appears in the room

you can:
*pull out a gun
*ignite the gasoline that is filling up the padded room
*drown yourself
*break the guitar
*play the guitar
*press the big red button inside the guitar

You press the red button…

You are suddenly in a land in conflict.
You can:

  1. Stay where you are, and be killed accused for being terrorist.
  2. Attaking the enmy with stones, being killed in self-defence.
  3. Join the terrorists and suicide-bomb those who has chosen a leader that takes your land.
  4. Join a peace group. and be killed eventually accused for terrorist.
  5. Try to flee the country, being rejected by the country you fleas to and be sent back. And be killed accused for terrorism when you go back.

/sorry couldn’t resist…

  1. Press the button again and fly back to your previous location. Now you can:

  2. Talk more about cosmetics

  3. Play the guitar

  4. play the guitar and sing

  5. Play age of empires II

You 4. play age of empires II. a guy challeges you to see who can make the best empire. You can:

  1. take the challange
  2. run out of the padded room through the open door
  3. talk to the guy
  4. mug the guy
  5. hit him with the guitar
  6. pull out your chain saw and threaten him
  7. pretend to take the challange but when he takes out his laptop you steal it.

Due to the earlier incident, you can’t help but steal the laptop. he gets mad and tries to kill you, but thanks to your swordless swordfighting skills, you defeat him. you escape from the padded room. You can

1.Go chat with the security guards
2. Drink 8 gallons of coffee
3. Have tea with the queen
4. Go back to the padded room
5. Escape into legoland
6. sing even more carols
7. kill the bunny sitting in the corner of the padded room

all of them, because legoland is in the padded room

      1 ride the lego coasters

      2 tell 'your mama' jokes to the wall

      3 tell 'your mama' jokes to yourself

      4 make faces in the mirror thats not there