The Last Chance | Chapter4 on p.3 | 27.08.04

-The Last Chance-
by
Jean-Sébastien Guillemette

Chapter 01

// July 25, 2512 (Earth’s calendar), 22.00 //
// EAF Aeshma Cruiser, Orbit of Isu 7 in the Isirius system //

Who would have thought that all those years studying to become a navigator would lead me to this place. Hundreds of light years away from my home planet: Earth.
When I decided to become a starship pilot, I was thinking that I would be in the middle of huge battles piloting between asteroid fields and trying to give a better angle of fire to the gunners, but I was wrong. That type of job is given to the best of the best, and since they don’t give me a single chance to show what I can really do, I’m stuck here in this empty system trying to find some Neo Terrans forces. At least, I’ve been assigned to an Aeshma cruiser which a lot of pilots would like to have between his hands since the Aeshma is a new generation class of military warship. With 600 meters in length and 55 levels, it’s the biggest cruiser in the space navy of the Earth’s Alliance forces. Packed with more than 25 missile tubes, 50 machine gun turrets and 2 powerful Magnetic Mass Drivers on the front end of the ship it can even compete with a first generation dreadnought.

I’ve been on this ship for 7 weeks already and nothing has hapenned since then. My job is to pilot this bulky spaceship through the Isirius territory while the others on the bridge are sleeping or scanning the area from time to time to be sure no rebel forces are in the area. Rebel forces, eh, never saw any of them. I couldn’t even tell who they are actually. Maybe my job is totally useless, but then, why would we be patrolling this whole system for so long? There must be something here. Anyway, I shouldn’t ask myself those questions, because as my superior, captain Burton, would say: “Unlike me young boy, you’re not paid to think!”. And yet again, another planet without any sign of life. I’m really losing my last hopes of seeing some action during this “mission”. Now moving to the next planet… It’s a shame that we can’t use subspace tunnels to move short distance like this. They say it would be too “dangerous”, but no one ever tried, so how could they know? I promised myself to try it someday, I bet it would work. But for now, I just need to turn this big boy toward Isu 8 and wait five full days before being close enough to scan it.

// July 26 2512 (Earth’s Calendar), 2.00 //
// EAF Aeshma Cruiser, Isirius System //

“Mr. Burt, I need you on the bridge A.S.A.P!” the captain yelled aggressively  into  the intercom. very surprised by this unusual sentence, I didn’t even replied, put my uniform on and ran to the bridge in a matter of seconds. Every other member of the bridge crew were already sitting and working at their desk. It took me a few seconds to realize what was the actual problem but then I understood, we had received a transmission from a rebel group in the area. The captain was looking at me with some unusual angry eyes and he asked me to take position at my chair and to listen to the transmission.

// loading Transmission #01981 received on the 26 of July 2512 at 01.57 //
“…Here is the commander of the NT forces stationned in the Isirius system. I don’t know what you’re doing in this area but I can’t let you fly in our space any longer. You have two choices, leave us alone, or keep patrolling our area untill you find out our real position. As a leader myself, I already know what will be your descision, but it will be a mistake…beeeeeeeep”
// Trasmission ended //

I turned back to see the captain in his chair. I knew what he was about to say and I knew I would be happy to hear it so I asked him: “What’s your orders sir?”. He looked at me for a couple of seconds, and slowly said: “Let’s pay them a visit. Move the ship to coordinate 990227.5590.0”. I entered the coordinate, the ship rotated slowly and I saw that we were heading toward an asteroid field. I turned to him again, and asked: “Sir, this transmission clearly came from a pod dropped in the sector, we have absolutely no way to determine where the rebels are. So, if I may permit myself to ask, why are we heading toward this asteroid field?”. He had a smile and replied: “My instincts, young boy, simply my instincts”.


This was the short first chapter of a sci-fi story I had in mind for a long time. I’ll keep adding chapter as I write them. Next update might be only next weekend tho. I hope you enjoy it…if you don’t tell me and I’ll stop writing it ;). I’ll be waiting for your comments! and if you have any ideas/suggestions, drop them here!

:smiley:

Not bad at all. is this linked to Exodus?

Man we need a story forum.

As some friendly advice, if you’re going to write a whole book you might want to fix some of your mistakes in punctuation and grammar.

For example, saying, “the captain yelled in an aggressive way into the intercom,” is almost comical. Just say, “the captain aggressively yelled into the intercom.”

Also, notice how above quotation marks go on the outside of other punctuation such as periods, commas, question marks, or exclamation points.

Editing all of that out from an entire book would be a bitch, so start off on the right foot and you won’t need to rely on other people or Word’s god-awful grammar checker.

No it’s not the exodus story. :wink:

It’s not really like I’m writing a whole book, but yea you’re right about everything. I’ll try to chek more carefully for the next chapter. I just wrote all of that in like 30-40min…because I wanted to start right away lol…and tehre is also the fact that english isn’t my native language so sometimes I’m stuck because I don,t really know how to explain something. But well, it’s a start and hopefully it will get better as it goes! tx for the comments and tips!

:smiley:

cool start, i’d like to read the rest!

how about instead of “he agressively yelled…” try “he yelled agressively…”

also, since it says (earth calender) near the top, you can just say “hundreds of light years away from my home planet.” (no earth)

these are minor things, but they always help a good story be better :smiley:

ALL YOUR AESHMA TAKEN ARE BELONG TO US

ha ha… english isn’t even your first language… as long as you can set the mood and the plot for the film…

I think navigating one of the biggest war ships… that is quite an exciting job…

Well, regardless of the grammer and whatnot, I think the plot and the pacing of the story are excellent. You did a really good job of getting me interested and then building the plot and action so that I really want to read the next chapter.

Uh… I really want to read the next chapter… LOL ;).

Cheers,

b01c

next chapter:

“And then I woke up and found it was all a dream!”
:smiley:

lol, only kidding, A nice piece of writing.


Brian

eh…no but at the end he’ll wish it was just a damn dream :wink:

tx for the comments…I’ll work way more on the next chapter. Gonna start tonight maybe, and work on it a few day to be sure the writing is way better :smiley:

and then he woke up and all his base are belong to Alltaken.

LOL

Alltaken :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue:

Thread hi-jacker.

very nice story. can’t wait for more :wink:

Love it :smiley: Can’t wait till the next chapter

(you should sell this to a publishing company I know I’d buy it :wink: )

This is off topic but, Is it me or has Alltaken been acting more and more spastic lately?

Chapter 02 (part 1)

// July 26 2512 (Earth’s Calendar), 6.00 //
// EAF Aeshma Cruiser, Isirius System //

Four hours passed since the transmission from the rebel commander who the EAF intelligence identified as Douglas Ollivier.  The ship is silent for the exception of the usual beeps from every computers.  Everyone is sleeping except me and 4 ensigns working on the bridge.  The Captain and all the important personnels (a.k.a the tactical crew) are in a conference preparing the battle which will occur, from the gut instincts of the captain, in about 5 hours.  I might only be a lieutnant in my grades, but I’m also the pilot so I required the permission to listen to the conference while piloting this flying brick and “leading” the current bridge crew.  The captain’s plan is very interesting.  He already contacted the EAF and asked them to send 3 Eliss class frigates here to support us in the battle.  They should arrive at 7.00.  Our long range scan detected 5 Urukis class cruiser which wouldn’t even be able to hold back our 3 Eliss frigates. As far as the EAF know, the rebel have no real informations about the Aeshma weapons and scanner systems so this would explain the fact that the Commander Ollivier seemed so confidant in the transmission #01981.  It looks like they are trying to hide in the asteroid field and this leads us to believe that they might not be aware of the fact that we already marked their positions.  The captain expect the battle to last less than an hour with most of the time taken to seek and destroy every remaining rebel one-manned fighters in the sector.

Time to check the radar I guess. “Ensign Dion, please wake up and tell me the current position of the enemy fleet.” I waited for the answer for a few seconds, but nothing was heard.  I turned to face him, he was sleeping on the radar screen.  I stood up and walked towards him. I looked at him with my uncommun angry eyes.  “Ensign Dion, I said to wake up now!”. Ah finally, he sits straight and turns to face me.  He seems to be tired as hell, but so is everyone. 

“Ensign Dion, everyone is tired here, but your sleeping time will come in 2 hours and a half, so stay awake and give me the damn position of the rebel fleet”. Wow that made me feel better. Now I understand why the captain is always yelling at us.

“Yes sir! The fleet is still at the same coordinates. Which mean they are probably sleeping like us lieutnant!” finally said the ensign. A laugh was heard from the bridge crew. Was I the only one not finding this situation funny? The intercom beeped, it was the captain asking me to report any change in the situation.

“We just re-verified the rebel fleet position captain. Everything is the same as it was one hour ago, and I guess it won’t change untill we are enough close for them to fire upon us” I replied with the most confidant voice I could fake. I had a bad feeling about all of this. Something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell what it was exactly but something was important, stick with what the Captain had said would happen and keep my mouth shut so no one on the bridge get confuse.

“That’s good news young boy, because if they are enough close to fire at us, then we will be too. Reduce our current speed to 45%, just to make sure…ssshhhhhhhh”. The com suddently shut down as the whole ship shook. The whole bridge crew got projected on the ground including myself. My head was bleeding, my vision got blurred during a few seconds but when I standed up I realised that something was not going like the captain had planned. They had fooled us. I checked the radar, the 5 Urukiss cruisers were getting out of the asteroid field and were moving toward our position at full speed.

to be continued…

This was the first part of the 2nd chapter. The 2nd part is finished, but still being corrected. I dunno if this first part is “perfect”, but I think it’s already better than the first chapter but I’ll let all of you tell me this. :smiley: (hopefully)

Good start…what are you planning to do with this? It’s too short for a book…comic book perhaps?
BTW, you know what they(writers) say about first-person writing…It’s the hardest(cause you’re locked with one perspective).

First, tx for the comment :slight_smile:

Second, I’m not really planning anything, just writing up a story…which will probably way longer than you seems to think. Not enough long for a book, but still loong :wink:

About the 1 perspective thing…hehe, this might change in the next chapters, you’ll see :slight_smile:

Bah! Write more. You’re rotten for cutting it off right there. Nice short story.

I have a feeling what’s going to happen… :smiley:
Anyway, I can’t wait for more!