I think I’m going to send this into Electronic Gaming Monthly. No… I’m going to. I don’t think I will, I know I will.
To The Editors Of Electronic Gaming Monthly: SCREW YOU.
Well, well, well, new rejection. As if that wasn’t anything a 13-year-old computer nerd with too much free time on his hands isn’t used to, but this one could very well be in there with girls rejecting me (I don’t known that, really, since I hate social interaction that involves moving your jaw and making noise with your mouth for more than one sentence, but… okay). But really…
First, a stupid intro: I’m a 13-year-old computer geek with too much free time on his hands, and too little brains to do anything about it (apparently). I recently sent in a picture of mine for a contest, but to my utter amazement/shock, you didn’t print it.
I love EGM, and I will continue buying even if you printed this letter and killed me because I don’t bring up any good points (unless you do too much of a good job). But I was angry when today, May 31, 2003, I bought an EGM, soon getting excited about the “new console designs,” hoping mine would be included, to no avail.
I haven’t read the article, but I looked at the pictures, and quite frankly, most are crap. There are 2-dimensional things people did in Photoshop. Insert “zzzzzzz” for 17,576 pages here (if you guys could afford that-which I doubt). So you include a rather filthy, porn-ish “PeniS3,” but don’t bother to include a high-resolution, 3-dimensional picture of the PlayStation pi? (It said, “PlayStation 3.14159265358979.” And before anyone gets weirded out at how I’ve memorized 15 digits, I’ll tell you, I’m too lazy to do anymore.)
I mean, seriously, what was wrong with my picture? The fact that the screen name in the pic and the screen name that sent you it didn’t match? Simple: Whichever of my two e-mail addresses gave it to you, neither are named “CubeFan973” because I like anonymity, and I didn’t make the screen names in time for using that cool name. Ask the guys on www.elysiun.com, and they should tell you that it’s one of them.
Was it the shameless promotion of freeware? Here’s a hint: BLENDER IS NOT THE “WAREZ” THAT PIRATES DISTRIBUTE. Blender is a FREE 3D suite, and it deserves publicity. In a world where stupid people think “Maya,” “3D STUDIO MAX,” and “Lightwave” is “the bomb,” and the most ballsy they can ever get is releasing a stripped-down demo, Blender has REAL ones that allow their godfathers at NaN (Not a Number) to release it free, and hope that their open-source approach and such will make people donate at least $50 to them to continue. After all, what’s $50 when the other 3D suite that’s free is crap, and the next cheapest is something like $200? It’s not unfair; you guys buy consoles more expensive than 50 bucks.
Was it the small writing on the PS3.14159265358979? Or the small brown blobs with little black-and-white dots on it? First, I didn’t want to take all day doing some picture rendering just you can read text; if that was it, I’d do it in ASCII, which would look way too crappy (though it might be fun). And the brown-blobs-with-smaller-black-and-white-blobs are MONKEY HEADS. The picture is again small, but the Mesh Monkey-Head is Blender’s trademark, and I couldn’t resist putting it in even as a small thing.
Was it the 4-disc-at-a-time idea? News flash: If you want to play “Final Fantasy VIII,” you shouldn’t need to have the box ready for a disc change; you should do it all at once.
Was it the weird controller with lots of color and bizarre shape? Here’s a hint: STYLE. Why not add some style to the plain, one-color controllers we have these days?
Sure, you guys probably have some disclaimer in mind of “just because you do send it in doesn’t mean we will use it,” but really, you guys used crappier pictures.
I wouldn’t be so angry if you didn’t include a bunch of crap instead. Take a look at what you put in: A halo-esque version of the… uh, I didn’t notice what it was. (I’m guessing it was XBOX… “Halo,” XBOX, right?) A PS2-lookalike for your PS3? (Ooh, a bunch of cells with “PS2” written all over them… yawn, I’ll take a nap.) And a GamePyramid? Even for crap with low-poly CD-ROMS, that was crappier than anything the Blender community could do. Even your “movie-game” article had crappy graphics; Oscar doesn’t wear any sunglasses (or anything, for that matter, minus a sword, maybe), and there’s not ONE single button on his controller. I thought those were necessary enough to include, even as tiny as they were; yet you have a huge picture of Oscar playing a game that isn’t even THAT detailed? This from a magazine that PROMOTES games… I would have never thought you’d be THAT dumb.
I’m not going to say anything like “it was too good for Microsoft/Nintendo, so they bribed you” or “you hate good artists.” All I want is an explanation. (For those who think I’m an asshole with no real claims, go here.)
Yours Insincerely,
CubeFan973 (who rules all over EGM’s pictures any day)
PS: I dare you to argue with THIS guy’s commentary on video games: Right Here.
Edit: Fixed spelling mistakes .
