Just to test my theory, I… might as well just come out and say it, “downloaded” Cinema 4D R16 just to see whether cycles was the problem
So I did a test render, Looked clean, really clean, literally not a spec of noise in the render and it took 5 seconds to render in my laptop
(wasn’t using my main machine, vowed not to pirate anything in my main machine or use anything I pirated for anything other than educational use) on the lowest GI setting mind you.
So I concluded that Cycles was the problem! That it was the cause of the noise and long render times!
That wore off quickly as I remembered that I didn’t turn on shadows on the lights
When I did… well…
Same problem as cycles, also revealed some of Maxon’s tricks,
You see Cinema 4D’s renderer isn’t noiseless, it just post processes it to make it look like that(Surface blur mixed with an open gl render of the camera)
So turns out it was the shadows, the lights were not properly placed, and like Gottfried Hoffman said,
MIS for each light is really really stupid
Hopefully with this lesson I’m going to stop bitching on forums without doing some real investigation first.
Going to try and configure the lights or if possible, delete all the lights if it comes to it