Well.... here goes nothing!!!!


(acasto) #1

Today I payed a little visit to the psychiatrist, and tonight I start my meds for the first time after 10+ years of dealing with this. I must admit that I’m a little afraid of what the world is going to be like, but then again it’s kind’ve exciting. After all the struggles and close encounters with suicide and madness, I’m very optimistic that my life may change for the better. Over the last couple weeks, I’ve read a few books on manic-depression and have realized that this is not a fight that will be over quickly. It is something that I am going to have to be persistant in and not give up. And no-matter what, I must not quit taking the pills. The manias can often come back quicker and more violent, and often result in suicide or at least attempts. I really don’t want to be tingly one day and see my body going towards the light and think… “why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?” And not kidding, the pills really are blue 8)


(dreamsgate) #2

I’m glad you realize this will be a life long treatment.

(hehe, and yes I know the pills are blue, my son and my husband both take them, by the way they also come in purple and pink)

Hang in there acasto, it will get better, trust me.


(blengine) #3

if quitting the meds will make the manias be stronger and come back quicker, what does that tell u? what are those pills actually doing to u? creating a SUPER dependence that withdrawl will result in suicide!!! does that just seem weird to me? its not just cause im anti-meds but thats really odd and suspicious… seems like the pills are only bottling up this ‘disease’… youre dealing good with it now, with help from a psychiatrist u said, so why not continue on this successful path instead of venturing onto a new path which walks a thin line between mental health and suicide?

i beleive any problem and all problems can be solved from within, no matter what “science” says… sometimes people are fed “facts” and their thoughts make them beleive that some things arent possible, but anything is… there is always hope when one beleives in their own abilities…

dont take the meds =\

good luck either way, seriously!! just make sure this sacrifice is worth it


(acasto) #4

Those thoughts exactly is why this has a 20% untreated suicide rate. It is basically an electical storm in your brain, it is very very physical. It is an implance in the chemicals that make your brain cells communicate. No matter how strong you are mentally, or how good your therapist is, if it is bad, it will get you. Untreated it only gets stronger over time. The meds simply regulate it, not stop it. It naturally gets worse without meds. When I said I was doing okay without them all this time, I meant I was surviving. Going through everyday of life just surviving is not very fun. I found out that they told my parents I was very lucky, with this type of it, to have even made it this far. That is what kept me out of the hospital today, because I do have a strong will. But in the end, without help from medication, it’s not strong enough.

I will try and explain another day why you can not fight it no matter what you do. One point though would be that the physical problem in the brain, can cause things like psychosis, which in itself is dangerous. So more than just the illness, the products of the illness is bad. I’m working on stories that I would like to one day put into a book. But there is something I wrote that brings a little understanding to the nature of the type of self-destruction it causes.

“For so many years, it was me versus the world, the world versus me.
Pinned in a fight that I knew I was going to win. Nothing could stop me.
Except when you realize that there is no fight,
and it is only you versus you.”


(blengine) #5

and its thoughts like that, that limit human potential and will do so forever more as long as u nuture them… youre stuck in a reality when theres so much more out there than what u see and feel and read in books!

i dont want your explanations cause they came from text, not from heart…

excuses why one cant fight are just that, escapes and excuses to lower yourself… id die before id let something fight for me…

dont think me as ignorant, or short sighted, or inexperienced… what ive been through and what i do and see now are known only by me, so please dont judge me OR my thoughts

id would rather be the one that commits suicide then the ‘mentally healthy’ one on meds… meds change u, and i cant afford that loss… some people dont see the extent of what they can lose


(basse) #6

my wife’s mother has this disease… and it really can be a pain when she is not using the medicines, or they are trying something new… when she is down, she is really down and we have to go there and clean up the place and check the dog since she doesnt get anything done, and still she is just insulting us all… but when she is up, the is really up, buying new cars and appartments, divorcing her husband because he is boring…

but… recently, the medicines have been working, her life is pretty normal… so… normally I’m against medicines, taking something for every little ache… but in this case, I must say, they are good.

so, I feel for you acasto… hope they will work. and I guess, some people can even get totally “well”… shake the damn disease…

.b


(dreamsgate) #7

acasto, my husband is severly manic depressive and he takes the pills. And we live a fairly normal healthy life because of it.

My ex-husband has mood disorders and refused to take any meds the entire time we were married (10+ years). Now my kids and I have a great deal of “issues” to resolve from living with him.

Let me tell you as some one who has lived with these types of disorders, the pills are necessary, they do help. Not only for you, but for the people you love and spend time with you.

This is not a weakness thing and taking the pills are not the easy way out. It takes alot of courage to face up to what you have and to not only get treatment, but to stay on it.

I wish you the best of luck.


(acasto) #8

No I’m not. That sentence dosn’t make any sense.

You don’t know that. Just as everything thing else you have said, it is merely something you are sayign because it is going against what you believe. Because you lack the experience and knowledge to back it up, you just don’t want the explanations to begin with.

You don’t even know me or from what you say, the nature of the illness.

Hehe… you’d take them. It’s always so easy to speak on a subject when you don’t know anything about it, either book type knowledge, or personal experience.

But you can’t enter such a strong and potentially deadly opinon and suggestions and not expect people to think so. Especially when you don’t supply one bit of knowledge, proof, credentials, or personal experience to give anyone a reason to listen otherwise. You may have all the knowledge in the world on the subject, you may have personal experiecne yourself, but judging from how easy you think it is to fight it, I highly doubt it.

They don’t make you mentally healthy, they simply regulate it so that you can control it.

Not these. You don’t even know what I’m taking. And if I told you, you would probably have no idea what they were, let alone what and how they did what they do.

You don’t even know what loss if any there is.

Obviously neither do you.


(blengine) #9

No I’m not. That sentence dosn’t make any sense.

cause youre just looking for somehting to argue instead of thinking…

You don’t know that. Just as everything thing else you have said, it is merely something you are sayign because it is going against what you believe. Because you lack the experience and knowledge to back it up, you just don’t want the explanations to begin with.

You don’t even know me or from what you say, the nature of the illness.

Hehe… you’d take them. It’s always so easy to speak on a subject when you don’t know anything about it, either book type knowledge, or personal experience.

Especially when you don’t supply one bit of knowledge, proof, credentials, or personal experience to give anyone a reason to listen otherwise. You may have all the knowledge in the world on the subject, you may have personal experiecne yourself, but judging from how easy you think it is to fight it, I highly doubt it.

well dont doubt it so easily! i guess u know whats coming next dont u! youre whole argument here is based on somehting thats not true!!! i fight this everyday becuase i have it! i dont like telling people, especially those i barely know online!!!
these are my problems and are personal and are important to me… my problems, mine alone that i fight and have personal experience with… and yeah, its gotten a helluva lot easier to deal with over the years… dont cast me aside thinking i know nothing of the topic! i may have told u otherwise in the IMS thats just cause u didnt need to know and youre pretty much a complete stranger to me!.. ive dealt with it all… 2 years ago, i was a manic depressive with severe asthma, chronic migraines, allergies that make u wanna kill yourself, and horrible insomnia topped over this disease platter…
2 years later off the meds, fighting alone… NO asthma, not even signs of it, now i skateboard as hard as i can everyday without worrying about loosing my life cause i cant breathe… NO migraines, not even the slightest headache, NO allergies except the occasional harmless sniffle… and barely any sleepless nights… and for the manic depression, its BARELY noticeable to me somtimes…

not only are you so wrong in your accusations, but my arguments are backed up by a GOOD LIST of experience with a nice cocktail of problems, including this one that u and others seem to want to classify under “impossible to fight without meds” category…

You don’t even know what loss if any there is.

i dont argue somehting unless i have knowledge and experience to back it up, unless its something like youth rights haha :wink: i dont have the knowledge there but its pretty obvious and a fun thread to post some opinions in…


(blengine) #10

oh, my mom has it too
shes had it for about 10 years and last year she almost succeeding in killing herself… the works, suicide notes, no strings left attached, rented hotel room and pills to overdose… luckily she didnt take enough pills and was strong enough that when she wolke up she drove herself to the hospital before the pills finished her off… shes on the meds if your interested, i dont like it but they dont seem to have affected who she is… shes got alot more energy which is good cause she usually just sat at home… shes doing really good now, i cant remember her last mood change :stuck_out_tongue:

shhh, dont tell anyone but i think my grandma has it too, she has some crazy mood swings, though it could just be her electric personality :wink:

-chris


(acasto) #11

I thought the same way once. I even threatened to kill anyone and any doctor who tried to give me any medication. The illness does not want to be treated, that is why you hate medication so much. It like being high. No one can reason with you, no matter how many facts or opinions they show to you, because it is your gadiosity and the ‘high’ that is feeding your dislike.

BTW… what I am saying is not wrong. It is the facts and opnions of professionals and many many people with the illness. However, what you are saying is merely based on your opinion, which is manipulated by the illness.

The bad thing is, is that I know no one can convince you otherwise. The illness makes almost two sides, one that is good, and one that is bad. Did you know that it can go into remission? Did you also know that it can come back at any time stronger than before? And with your mom, did you know that there is several types of manic-depressive in which serveral combinations of medication can be used in which some or none may work?

Hopefully you will stay good forever, but if not… well, you’ll see.


(suicidal) #12

When i was on medication i still wanted to kill myself.

your friend,
Suicidal Failure


(blengine) #13

hey no fair, im not unreasonable with, im just passionate =)
no one can make a sound judgement of someone over the internet… im very open minded, even if i argue back with intesity, know that i always take into mind what others say… theres alot to be learned from anothers perspective

BTW… what I am saying is not wrong.

i wasnt referring to the facts, i was just refering to the quarrel on personal experience…

The bad thing is, is that I know no one can convince you otherwise. The illness makes almost two sides, one that is good, and one that is bad. Did you know that it can go into remission?

maybe its in remission right now, but either way i honestly enjoy the fight and the changes… no lie, whether depression or happiness, it gives me an excuse to test myself… and theres alot of satisfaction in fighting off a depression by myself… im not so much anti-meds as i am pro-self, theres alot of experience, knowledge and ESPECIALLY alot of awareness to be gained by going through somehting yourself…

i enjoy the fight, whether i win or lose, live or die… its all i see worth fighting for in life, gives me purpose if u will because i dont see much purpose elsewhere… total self awareness is what i strive to obtain…
perhaps theres method to my madness?

Hopefully you will stay good forever, but if not… well, you’ll see.

thanks, and i promise if i ever plan on killing myself ill talk to u first and let u say the all time favorite line: “i told you so…”

but dont save your breathe, this is what i live for :wink:


(valarking) #14

Blengine, you sound like the guy who shouts “Cold Turkey” at a relative in my family when they get nicotine patchs. Not very nice at all.


(blengine) #15

Blengine, you sound like the guy who shouts “Cold Turkey” at a relative in my family when they get nicotine patchs. Not very nice at all.

hahaha, well an addiction is a little different… a temporary patch giving them something theyre already getting from cigarrettes is not the same as medication =) ill always support self ability over outside help but its up to the user
i would still probably shout “cold turkey” but i wouldnt enforece it :wink:
i try to get my parents to quit smoking all the time! i know they cant do it cold turkey, so i even bought them the patch one month, haha but they couldnt stick it =(
smokings so gross and bad for u, i hope they quit one day whether cold turkey or patch…
i dont want to sound like im enforcing anything on acasto, its just my suggestion and opinion, but its something im serious about =\


(acasto) #16

Blengine, I understand what you are saying. I enjoy the dynamic also, it is what makes us different. I was so scared that the vision and music would also fade (I’m sure you know what I’m saying :wink: ). Sometimes, when I think about the beauty and sadness that I have seen, I fear what it would be like without it. The reason I decided to get medications, is not because I can not handle it, but because I can’t handle the psychosis. It is also causing something much like epilepsy, where I will ‘space’ out for long periods of time and not know what is going on. This is not bad, unless you are driving. The medication is not so that I can give up, but so that I can keep on fighting. When you are psychotic, it dosn’t matter how strong you are. Also, when psychotic, not only are you a danger to yourself, but those around you. When it comes to possibly hurting myself, I can live with that. But when it gets to where I could hurt someone innocent, whether intentially, or though something like spacing out while driving, then I must do something.

Your convictions are so strong I would believe because you have been successful in keeping control. But you must believe me when I say there is a point people can reach in which they can’t control. When you wake up the next day, and have no idea what you did the day before. When you remember someone doing something, or remember a family vaction, and find out that it never happened.

I have told myself that I would not take any medication in which limited the neural transmissions in my brain, or stopped me from physically using neuronal pathways. The stuff I am on now simply increases the level of GABA in the membranes so that it will even out with the imbalanced neurotransmitter. Something like a strong anti-psychoitc will bind and block the recptors for the dopamine, this is a physical inhibition, which I know you don’t, and I don’t like. This stuff I’m trying now, lets you have all the ‘horsepower’ that you have before, but prevents the ‘storms’ by compensating the balance with what should be there. Also, out of the other alternatives, it is a very natural drug.

If you have any problems, and don’t want to take man-made medication, try looking into fish oil supplements. It is really just fatty acids from fish, nothing ‘medicine’ about it. This really helped my mood swings, and still does. It just wouldn’t do anything for the psychosis. The only reason it is in a gel-cap, is so you don’t have to eat fish everyday, because that might get a little old after a while. But it really does work.

Oh well… that’s the last thing we need is a bunch of manic-depressives fighting in the forum. It wouldn’t turn out to well I reckon :wink: :slight_smile: We have a tendancy to get opinionated and very very into the argument.


(Timonides) #17

imgranpaboy please, listen to me… manic depression is not a psychological problem… It has nothing to do with one’s psychology!!! Therefore you can not win this with a figh only on the “personality” or “character” level!!! It’s like cancer!!! It has specific natural dimensions!!! It has “flesh” and “blood”!!! You can’t win over cancer (if there are such chances…), with out chemotherapy and neither you can find cure from manic depression with just faith and strong character…

Your asthma, migranes… etc, there are pretty good chances that they were only the physical “visualization” of manic depression on your body level… That’s why you got over them (?) that “easy”!!! If you can understand what I mean!!!

I once had a patient who in his delirium, believed that he had prostate cancer!!! And that all the doctors were telling him lies and wouldn’t tell him the “truth”!!! He was actually experiencing the pain (at least he thought so…), only he was perfectly healthy!!! I did a bone scan on him and everything was normal… (no metastasis…) His PSA and all the rest of his examinations were better than normal!!! We understood that he had manic depression, only in a very advanced “stage”!!! We tried to help him and instead he threatened us that he would kill us all and burn our houses, because we were not telling him what he was expecting from us to hear (that he had “cancer”)!!!

Please take my word… Those pills are not going to harm you… No one wants to harm you… Perhaps they have some side effects (as all medicines have and certainly the newest one’s have the least sideffects possible…) but they definetely don’t alter you… It’s the “monster” inside you that gets altered by them and it doesn’t like it… Therefore it doesn’t allow you to seek for help…

This stuff I’m trying now, lets you have all the ‘horsepower’ that you have before, but prevents the ‘storms’ by compensating the balance with what should be there. Also, out of the other alternatives, it is a very natural drug.

acasto is right and you should listen to him…

Believe me I do not wish to argue or have any quarrell with you or anyone else here… I want to help… And I sure wish that I am wrong and that you’ll be around to laugh at me (this would bring me real joy believe me…)… But I’m afraid I’m right…

Please… seek for help… Don’t give this fight alone!!!

Always here…

Spyros.


(acasto) #18

Skontar… your in the medical field? I wouldn’t have guessed :slight_smile:


(Timonides) #19

Well, I am not a doctor, but working for the last 15 years in health service area, I think it gives me the right to say, that I know a few things…

Be strong guys… fight it… make me proud of you… :wink:

Spyros.


(blengine) #20

When you wake up the next day, and have no idea what you did the day before. When you remember someone doing something, or remember a family vaction, and find out that it never happened.

honestly, i didnt think about this, and i think it would totally put me on the edge, thats a really scary thought, yet kind of exciting too, in a weird not knowing if this is real way =\

Oh well… that’s the last thing we need is a bunch of manic-depressives fighting in the forum. It wouldn’t turn out to well I reckon We have a tendancy to get opinionated and very very into the argument.

haha, agreed… i like good arguments though, it opens my mind to so many different perspectives… having other opinions is sort of like a weapon against it…

No one wants to harm you

your wrong skontar! everyone is out to get me! im not safe! :wink: hehe

acasto is right and you should listen to him…

i wont do that, people fight their battles in different ways…

It’s the “monster” inside you that gets altered by them and it doesn’t like it… Therefore it doesn’t allow you to seek for help…

i like that monster… i named him bubbles 8)

It’s like cancer!!! It has specific natural dimensions!!! It has “flesh” and “blood”!!! You can’t win over cancer (if there are such chances…)

i have different beleifs, this is why i fight alone, i beleive ANYTHING, even cancer, can be overcome by your own mind… i beleive very strongly in mind abilities and will test mine to the end… its like faith, some things science cant explain, thats where faith steps in…
it has not been proven that such things are IMPOSSIBLE, its just that the facts are horribly against such unorthodox ideas =)

but ive always been a huge fan of the underdog…