Yet another auto-weight "failed to find solution" thread (except well made)

So I’m making a Human Model for a small Godzilla-like animation I’m doing and after I fixed up the fingernails and made it look better it just will not auto rig it. I’ve surfed many pages for this, I’ve tried it all, subsurf modifiers, remove doubles, mirror, symmetrize, etc. I fail to see how symmetry can be an issue as the Godzilla in layers 1 and 3 is very asymmetrical (reused an old model), it has 40,000 more vertices and it rigs just fine. After deleting all the vertex groups, applying LotRotScale, and using Parent to armature with auto weights, none of the bones in the mesh will weigh now (So no, it didn’t help…)

My best guess as to the cause for this conundrum is aliens working with global warming, so that’s why I came here.

The stuff in my scenes are a bit torn up right now, I discovered you could auto rig AFTER I had done the first render, so i’m basically tearing it all down and redoing the animation, leaving keyframes scattered and waiting for me to filter through them and see what i can reuse. Beware though, it is a mess in there, so if you venture away from the human model you will enter a land where sense has gone out the window.

The model I am rigging is in layer 1 and 15, off to the side. The armature is called human skele. I made this whole thing in 3 days and this human model has been halting my progress for 2 days since, so I am almost to the point where I want to burn the project more than I want to see it finished. Help Would Be appreciated, it was all going so well until this point…

The human model itself is almost 30 MB (IDK why, its only 164000 vertices ;)) so both the attacher and PasteAll didn’t work. Instead, here’s a mediafire link to the file!
http://www.mediafire.com/download/umrmn24gnev3zch/AnimExample.blend

Thanks all, and if you have any suggestions/questions for any of the other stuff in the blend file or you got lost in the keyframe junkyard please speak up.