You know you're Australian when... (for the education of "non-Australians")


  1. You’re familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O’Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.

  2. You know that Burger King doesn’t exist. It’s Hungry Jacks!

  3. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it’s even fake.

  4. You know the difference between thongs and a G-banger.

  5. You know that “stubbies” are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a “gimp”, “bogan” or “geezer” is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in “strife” and you’re liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans “rooting” for something.

  6. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.

  7. You know that some ppl pronounce “Australia” like “Strayla” and that’s ok.

  8. You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere… no matter where you actually are.

  9. You know that while we call our friends ‘mates’, we don’t use terms like ‘shiela’ and ‘shrimp on the barbie’, contrary to popular belief.

  10. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

  11. You know that if a man has sex with another man, he’s a homosexual, not metrosexual.

  12. You resent people who succeed over others- everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a “fair go”; a kind of ‘American-dream’ in reverse. This is why we actively like not liking Americans.

  13. You’ve seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel’s Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, The Nugget, The Man From Snowy River and maybe even Wolf Creek.

  14. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian… Heath Ledger, Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe…

  15. One word: Skippy.

  16. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock.

  17. You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases.

  18. You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don’t count 1788).

  19. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and farenheit will ever offer

  20. You drive on the left-hand side of the road.

  21. If you’re a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. ‘Hit and runs’ just aren’t cricket. Because aussies stick together.

  22. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy.

  23. You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent, and for some bizzare reason, think that they invented pavlova. Bastards. They are to be pitied and laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.

  24. You know that you can’t eat Fantales alone… Otherwise who will you play the ‘Who am I…’ game with when you’re reading the wrapper?

  25. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole.

  26. You know that Americans think we’re all Steve Irwin clones. And crikey, they couldn’t be more wrong.

  27. You know that Lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good.

  28. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

  29. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread… and actually grow to like it. You’ve also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

  30. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol’ Johnny Howard

  31. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny.

  32. You have the ability to compress several words into one - ie ‘g’day’ and ‘d’reckn?’. This allows more space for profanities.

  33. You’ve ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place ‘bloody’ in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

  34. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss. Always.

  35. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.

  36. You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not.

  37. You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can’t imagine your childhood without it.

  38. You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don’t know what “girt” means. And you’re ok with that.

  39. You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a tim tam.

  40. You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the ‘one bounce, one hand’ rule always applies.

  41. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world’s deadliest of animals. That’s why if anybody messes with us we’ll get some funnel webs on their asses.

  42. You see people walking bare-foot on the footpath and don’t scorn… because you’re doing it too.

  43. You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.

  44. Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.

  45. You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, “she’ll be right, mate”.

  46. You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon… but you can’t remember.

  47. You own a Bond’s chesty. In several different colours.

  48. You’ve ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL

  49. You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.

  50. You know how to slip, slop, slap like it’s nobody’s business.

  51. You’ve heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as ‘un-Australian’, and that’s enough to make us sit down and shut up.

  52. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

  53. You write the date day/month/year not month/day/year. We all know the day comes first right? :slight_smile:

That’s a lot of writing promoting the aussie. Didya outsource this job to a kiwi.

Did you make these up or did you get them off of something?

I like some of them, but some of these are more offensive then funny.

Yankies are so easily offended.

I stole them :smiley:

Damn, I don’t know how you could write such a LONG list.
BTW, not only australians use day/month/year. I think everyone 'cept british and who think their country is the whole continent BUT IT ISN’T use day/month/year, but I’m not sure.

Ok, so you copied and pasted it? :stuck_out_tongue:

Ok Justin or Justo if I can call you that mate. Have a cascade on me mate.

Russell Crowe is not an Aussie . . . but you can have him.

And you missed eought on “Priscilla - Queen of the Desert”

You know you’re Australian when…
…whenever you travel overseas, people keep saying “Crikey” to you, expecting you to laugh out loud.

It’s lame people! LAME!

jl you can have all that…as long as you admit it’s the yanks that dont have the accent. for my mates thats bigger than anything on your list. never make the mistake of complimenting them on their accent.

Its the British that don’t have an accent. :wink:

And If you are an Ozzie you know, that the ozzie beer is the best in the world, but actually it’s the worst, expect tasmanian cascade;))

What about Squire’s? Mountain Goat? Little Creatures? Even Cooper’s!

There’s no accent here in my state as I see, just plain boring english in a plain boring voice.

We do pronounce the word ‘Gren-itch’ as ‘Green-witch’ here in Wichita though. I felt I had to say it the proper way when I went on my graduation trip to NYC.

Ahh but we kiwi’s have been known to beat those dam aussies in Rugby and Netball!
as for the pavlova! We sure as hell did =P

what does Yankee even mean? Its been bothering me since childhood…

I don’t care about Rugby and I defiantly don’t care about Netball.

But as for “Pavlova” that is a true-blue ozzy dish.

Now I know what you’re thinking, a SIMILAR dish did originate in NZ. But it was called something different and was a slight variation of the Pavlova recipe we all know and love today.

The modern day Pavlova is Australian, you kiwis can have to old school dish if you so please.

@ watchthis
wikipedia ftw:

there ae a couple of theories 'cause they’re not sure but 2 of them are:

  • it comes from the cherokee word eanke which means coward
  • or it comes from the dutch names jan and kees, the english settlers apparently called the dutch settlers that way

sorry for being a lil bit off topic

You know you’re Australian when… you have to get someone to read to you the note in your pocket that says ‘I am an Australian’ :smiley:

I thought it was pretty funny when my auntie from nz came over and she said crikey a few times.

I give the wtf to people who walk around in public in bare feet though, I hope those people step on a needle and get hep-b (or a,c,d,e,f,g?), will teach them to wear shoes.

Boags. Draught.