Feedback neaded for my piece

Hi, I’m doing this piece for the CGBoost Space Carrier Challenge. My idea is to present a rare specie of snail that carries a galaxy in their shell. I was also inspired by the scene with the bioluminescent water in Life of Pi.
I would like some feedback and critic to improve my work. I am questinning myself if it is readable and if the story / setup is clear.

Thanks a lot!

Here is where I am at the moment :

Without compositing :

I think it’s a great idea, kind of reminds me of the Cat in MIB. The snails and shells look really nice, but the galaxies are not looking right, it looks like an S. The backjground is not right either, the huge overpowering moon is drawing the eye away, I would get rid of it entirely,

push the camera in more, and really get to see more of the galaxy.

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Thanks! I will try out what you propose

So, I’m going for something completly different. Here is my WIP. Comments and critics are very welcome!

I think it’s great that you are experimenting with a new vision for the piece. Overall I think there’s way too much wasted space, and there’s less of a story. Its unclear what the wavy lines are, or where the snail is, and definitely not clean that his shell is a galaxy. But overall great job experimenting, keep going!

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Well, well. I went in an other direction. I got rid of the snail and tried with a manta ray… I think it’s better…

PS: (Thanks a lot Photox for your feedback!)
With compositing :

Raw :

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So This is the final I submitted!

Thanks Photox for your feedback, it was really helpfull.

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The final piece in my opinion is much stronger than the earlier ones, great job experimenting. There’s an energy and dynamic feel and a hint of wonder and mystery, Sold work, I look forward to seeing more!

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