Official Monty Python and The Holy Grail thread!!!
But father!!!
But don’t go any farther because…
Death awaits yea with big pointy teeth !
Run Away! Run Away!
Wait, we have the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch!
Aiy fart een your ghenerall direcsion!
“What makes you think she is a witch?”
‘She turned me into a Newt!’ 
–
Brian
Bring us a shrubbery!!! ney ney!!!
But he got better.
“What is the approximate air speed of an unladen swallow?”
“What do you mean? African or European swallow?”
“I don’t know that… WAAAAARRRRGGGG!”
Burrrrrnnnnn her anyway!
NHEY! NHEY! We are the Knights Who Say NHEY! NHEY!!!
But honey, if you let me donate the grocery money, I can learn from and work with a lot of really special graphics artists.
Sheesh…now she can NEVER be allowed to read over my shoul…AAARRRGGG!
NHEY! NHEY! We are the Knights Who Say NHEY! NHEY!!![/quote]
no, no, it’s Ni!
Ni! Ni!
NI!
–
Brian
It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,… but there is one small problem.
We are now… no longer the Knights Who Say ‘Ni’.
We are now the Knights Who Say ‘Ecky- ecky- ecky- ecky- pikang- zoop- boing- goodem- zoo- owli- zhiv’.
He must be a king!
ALL HAIL THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY… WHO FORMERLY SAID NI!
We’re Knights of the Round Table,
Our shows are formidable,
But many times, we’re
given rhymes
that are quite unsingable.
"Your mother was a hamster! and your father smelt of elder berries!
CONTAINS RELATIVE SPOILERS, MAINLY ABOUT CERTAIN KNIGHTS THAT GET KILLED
I am “Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Thread…” oops, too late! (BTW: Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film was Michael Palin’s newborn son!)
“Frank!” (umm… well, The Historian Who Isn’t AP Taylor At All has just gotten his throat slit by that knight on a horse–the only horse you EVER see in the film–and his wife said his REAL name!)
Die ay es u dom ee an, donna es requiem… WHAP! (BTW: that first guy who hit himself that we saw was also Sir Robin’s Least Favorite Minstrel!)
Intermission (which wasn’t in the script! Also, due to alcoholism, Graham Chapman couldn’t cross the bridge, so it’s the first assistant director crossing the bridge with Bedevere, not Graham)
I was so worried when I was writing this reply. I was afraid I was going to have to chop it down. But now I’m glad! I think it’s the best quote so far!
Three-Headed-Knight: At least ours was better visually!
Dennis: At least ours was commited and not just a string of pussy jokes!
Soothsayer: GET ON WITH IT!
Tim: YES, GET ON WITH IT!
Crowd: YEAH, GET ON WITH IT!
Oh, I AM enjoying this reply!
God: GET ON WITH IT!
(Based on a 24-second cut scene from Castle Anthrax, along with all those guys I just mentioned in their first locations–also not in the script)
We want… A SHRUBBERY! (BTW: just before that, an error occurs: “Well, what is it you want?” Notice it? Here’s what the error is: “Well, what is it you want?” The Knights Who Say “Ni” cannot hear the word “it!” BTW: The Pythons seem to have thing for the word “it.” Aside from it AAAGH! being the word the Knights Who Say “Ni” can’t hear, it AAAGH! was also featured prominently in the first few seasons of “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” through the “It’s” AAAGH! man, who was played by Michael Palin, who was the leader of the Knights Who Say “Ni!”)
Knights of Camelot: [singing] We’re knights of the Round Table, we dance whene’er we’re able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. / We’re knights of the Round Table, our shows are for-mi-dable. But many times we’re given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able, We’re opera mad in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot. / In war we’re tough and able, Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable / It’s a busy life in Camelot
[solo]
Knights of Camelot: I have to push the pram a lot.
(And, yes, the Camelot castle WAS a model. In fact, in the trailers, you could see one fall over! Also, throughout the film you can see instances of cat abuse, one of which has a dancing knight stepping on a cat!) (Prepares for trout in his head… or rather, for a Monty Python thread, fresh fruit, with a gun, 16 Ton weight, and tiger to disarm them with!)
“Stop! What is your name?”
“Sir Lancelot”
“What is your quest?”
“To seek the Grail”
“What… is your favorite colour?”
“Blue”
“Right, go along”
“THAT’S EASY!”
“Stop! What is your name?”
“Sir Robin”
“What is your quest?”
“To seek the Holy Grail”
“What… is the capital of Assyria?”
“I don’t KNOW that! AAAHHH!” (Cast off into the Gorge Of Eternal Peril… BTW: The answer is Nineveh)
“Stop! What is your name?”
“Sir Galahad”
“What is your quest?”
“To seek the Grail”
“What… is your favorite color?”
“Blue… NO, yellloooowww!” (Cast off into the Gorge Of Eternal Peril)
“Stop! What is your name?”
“King Arthur of Camelot”
“What is your quest?”
“To find the Grail”
“What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
“What do you mean? An African or European swallow?”
“I don’t KNOW… AAAHHH!” (Cast off into Gorge Of Eternal Peril)
“How do you know this things, my leige?”
“Well, when you’re a king, you have to know these things!” (For those who don’t know, a soldier was annoying him earlier about swallows and coconuts, which aren’t in Europe because they’re tropical)
“Why do witches burn?” (Long pause… BTW: Watch Eric Idle… he’ll bite his scythe because he’s not trying laugh!)
“Because they’re made of… wood?”
Finally, another BTW: After the Soothsayer is killed, and Arthur and Bevedere get on that boat, one scene that wasn’t even shot had a man on the boat saying, “Those who wish to cross the Sea Of Fate must answer me these questions twenty-eight!”
BEST… PYTHON… THREAD… EVER.
We’ve already got one