I’ll beat you so badly your kids will be sterile!
My psycho ex-roomate. :o
“It is good to have a beautiful mind, but it is better to have a beautiful heart” Quote Deleted From “A Beautiful Mind”, written by Akiva Goldsman, said by John Forbes Nash (Russell Crowe)
“Look around. Take a good long look-see. 'Cause I’ve got a feeling it’s looking at us.” Taken From “Cube,” written by Vincenzo Natali, Andre Bijelic, and Graeme Mason, said by Rennes (Wayne Robson)
“When I say ‘love,’ the word comes out of my mouth (small cloud comes out of her mouth), it hits the other person’s ear, goes through this Byzantine conduit in their mind (goes through labyrinth-like tunnel to a picture of two people hugging), through their memories of love or lack of love…” “Waking Life,” written by Richard Linklater, said by Kim Krazan (herself)
“On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa-dancing with my confusion!” “Waking Life,” said by Timothy “Speed” Levitch (Himself)
“Everybody always say they’ve been the reincarnation of Cleopatra or Alexander the Great. I alway want to tell them they were probably some dumb f*** like everyone else.” “Waking Life,” said by Celine (Julie Deply)
“Audiences don’t know someone sits down and WRITES a picture. They think the actors make it up as they go along.” Taken from “Sunset Blvd.”, written by Billy Wilder, D.M. Marshall, and Charles Brackett, said by Joe Gillis (William Holden)
(Imitating a woman) “You don’t understand, Osgood! Oh…” (takes off wig) “I’m a MAN!” “Well, nobody’s perfect.” Taken from “Some Like It Hot,” written by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond, said by Daphne/Jerry (Jack Lemmon) and Osgood (Joe E. Brown)
“You can’t get married to Osgood!” “Why, do you think he’s too old for me?” “Some Like It Hot,” said by Joe(sephine) (Tony Curtis) and Daphne/Jerry
(Monica has been resurrected 2,000 years into the future) “I must be a little confused. What day is it?” “It is… today.” Taken from “AI: Artificial Intelligence,” said by Monica (Frances O’Connor) and David (Haley Joel Osment)
“Congratulations on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.”
Yogi Berra, to Johnny Bench
“If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure.”
Dan Quayle
“This election is about who’s going to be the next President of the United States!”
Dan Quayle
“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”
Dan Quayle
“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
Dan Quayle
“I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
he he! 
“It’s not finished until the fat lady sings.”
“When you reach a crossing, take it.” (Yogi Berra)
Martin
Dying!? That will be the LAST thing I do!
“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt!” - Mark Twain (paraphrased?)
5/7 of all people have difficulty understanding fractions.
“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” - Plato
“Plato was a bore.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
“Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.” - Leo Tolstoy
“I’m not going to climb into the ring with Tolstoy.” - Ernest Hemingway
“Hemingway was a jerk.” - Harold Robbins
“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” - Mark Twain
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” -Mark Twain
(Anyone wanna take a stab at my favorite humorist? )
“When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t inhale.”
Bill Clinton
:o really? he he he!
“Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.”
Dan Quayle
“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.”
Ronald Reagan
“…80 percent of air pollution comes not from chimneys and auto exhaust pipes, but from plants and trees.”
Ronald Reagan
“When I was young, the word marijuana didn’t even exists” - Jean Chretien, prime minister of Canada.
Martin
i have a friend who repeats the van down by the river skit all the time. 
ok, here goes:
“I get to travel lots of places overseas, like Canada!”
-Britney spears
“He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”
“Don’t hit a man with glasses, use your fist!”
“Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound.”
- Ad in the “Missoulian” by Orange Street Food Farm
“During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails.”
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
“Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists.”
- Bangkok Post
“I don’t think the Republicans can damage my character”
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. President
“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.”
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
“You know the one thing that’s wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say.”
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. President
“You guys line up alphabetically by height.”
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
“Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.”
- Bill Peterson, football coach
“You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
“You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there.”
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
“Where the hell is Australia anyway?”
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.”
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
“Most lies about blondes are false.”
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
“SUPREME COURT REULES THAT MURDERERS SHALL NOT BE ELECTROCUTED
TWICE FOR THE SAME CRIME.”
- Cleveland Daily News, Headline
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
“Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
“It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
“It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system!”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars
“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
“It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
“We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
“It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
Ok, that’s all I’ll post for now. 
Ok, I guess I have to live with that cookie on my work machine… or never post at work… Anyway, here’s my favorite, still laugh and laugh (mostly cause I’m dence and can laugh at same thing over and over again all the time, LOL)
Your mother is a hamster, and your father smells of elderberry. Now go
away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
MP
Ingie
I fart in your general direction!
lol, just got done watching that!
Same movie:
This new learning amazes me. Explain again how sheep’s bladders can be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Graham Chapman (King of the Britains)
“720k ought to be enough memory for anyone” -Bill Gates
uh ray the way, I think the saying is:
7 out of 5 people don’t understand fractions…sigh…
“This ain’t exactly the Mississippi. I’m on one side, I’m on the other. I’m on the east bank, I’m on the west bank. It is not that critical” -Achoo, Robin Hood: Men in Tights
“Get your feet off my desk, get out of here, you stink, and we’re not going to buy your product.”
Joe Keenan, President of Atari, responding to Steve Jobs’ offer to sell him rights to the new personal compuer he and Steve Wozniak had developed. 1976
“It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system!”
Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
“3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.”
“A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.”
“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.”
“If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?”
“If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.”
“Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.”
You copied me.
“DOS is dead”
Bill Gates -91
oops! sorry! 